I agree with kateorman. One thing in situations like this I strongly believe is that she isn't really gone. The spirit is still there, it just wasn't time.
Your strength through all this blows me away. It's just amazing what your outlook on life and how things are is. You remind me of my mentor in a lot of ways, a guy who kept me from being a real problem to society. Never lose that outlook on things. Even if you drop it for a little while when things really get sticky... don't worry... we'll hold it for you.