It must be difficult and very frustrating to feel helpless physically, especially for you who used to do something as active as droving. The loss of control physically, and the unpredictability of it, would have to increase your feelings of helplessness and therefore your increased desire to be in control of whatever you *can* control. The difficulty is to view the people trying to help you as just trying to help you, their friend, not treating you like a helpless person. I also suspect that this is hitting you a bit where you live in terms of being proud of having been so active.

All this easier said than done, of course. I think you're incredible for having been through all of this so far while staying reasonably cheerful and positive. I hope they track this damned thing down soon! Hang in there.