dalekboy | Ironies both funny and cruel

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Ironies both funny and cruel

I'm not sure if these ironies are like the ones from that song Isn't it Ironic? where the irony was there was no real irony in the song, but here goes.

1. I've just plotted out a short story idea that I want to try and pitch to a Doctor Who collection. It's about a man who starts to lose his ability to communicate at a point in his life where it's vitally important for him to relate certain information. I know I can write the thing, but I'm also aware that since the stroke I've found writing to be increasingly difficult. The six hundred words I wrote to plot it out have exhausted me. Given how much trouble I have with writing fiction these days, it'd be lovely if it got picked up.

2. Speaking personally, I will find it very ironic if I get the Best Fan Writer Ditmar, for the reasons mentioned above. The irony is furthered by the fact that if I win, this will be the second Ditmar that I've won on my own that I haven't been there to collect at the time.

3. I've asked Sean Williams to accept it for me if I win. He's a good mate, and I like the irony of a guy with twenty plus novels under his belt getting up to accept the Best Fan Writer award.

4. Lastly, is the cruel irony I've been meaning to mention since last week. Way back in March I became a sperm donor, for all sorts of good reasons. Been going to post about it, but haven't gotten around to it, as I haven't with so many pieces of writing in recent times. Last Thursday morning, Sharon and I had a counselling session at the fertility clinic where I donate. Basically it's to make sure we know what we're doing, that my partner knows and understands what's going on and approves, etc.

So we're there, and the staff are rapt. So many women and couples they see have trouble conceiving, so to have a woman in who is naturally pregnant is nice for them. The fact that she's happy for her husband to be a sperm donor, so that other people can be blessed with children, means that they love her. They were so very happy for us both, and spent a good half hour just chatting with us.

One of the things we found out while there was that the waiting lists for IVF are huge. There one-hundred and fifty people on the list in Albury, and they've cut it off at that number. One-hundred and fifty families, all wanting to have kids, and I can only help five there and five in Canberra. As Sharon and I were driving in the car to her work, we were both close to tears about that. All those people, struggling to have children, and we'd gotten lucky on our first try.

Less than half an hour later, Sharon miscarried.

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Mate, I am in awe of your courage, your ability to keep going, and your sense of perspective.

Hope that things get better soon and bring you the happiness you deserve.

OK, call me a dittohead if you want but this sums up my feelings exactly. Hang in there!

> I'm not sure if these ironies are like the ones from that song Isn't it Ironic? where the irony was there was no real irony in the song

No no no no, that's the point. The fact that none of the examples in the song are actually ironic is itself ironic. This means that the song is meta-ironic. Alanis Morrisette is a genius.
:D

and God, don't forget that.

Isn't it ironic that the loveliest, most giving people are the ones who suffer the most and worst loss. I think Alanis needs to live a bit more to be able to comment on actual ironic situations.

Eg I never thought about having kids until my choice and ability were severely hampered.

I think you two are doing fine thanks to your strength and the fact you've been open about it. People don't realise how important those traits are until they need them personally.

Isn't it ironic? ;)

Alanis had to star in You Can't Do That On Television. Surely she has suffered enough...

You might not know that I have been trying to have a kid, using donated sperm. There is an unbelievable wait list as hardly anyone donates.

After waiting a year I secured my own donor - it's just coming out of quarantine at 18 months. It's been a horrible, horrible, endless wait before I can even begin trying to conceive.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you how much I admire people who donate sperm. There is such a horrible, horrible Australia wide shortage and the entire donation system has pretty much ceased to function.

I am so sorry, though, about the timing for your own life.

This isn't very coherent because it means so much to me.

This comment has just been the focus of a long telephone conversation between Lee and myself. Years ago I decided I wanted to be an egg donor. But, I'm too old (apparently). So I let it go. Reading this I emailed Lee, he called me, we're going on-line tonight to look into it. I would love for Lee to do something like this and fortunately he feels like it's something he could do. I'm just picturing all these SF fans and writers putting their sperm out there and in twenty years seeing the fandom/writing ranks swell :)

I've had a major post on sperm donating planned since March, so watch this space! I've got all the facts, figures and history and it's all quite scary (have I ever mentioned my huge interest in human sexuality?).

I think we need to choose carefully with fans. I wouldn't want Lameo giving sperm... it'd probably come out black...

We would love to know more. We want details. Like how scary. I thought it'd just be jacking off into a jar and that's it :)

That's the easy bit. There are tests and questions and much waiting.

I was just washing the dishes and the thought occurred to me, "That why remark could have been seen as just a little too flippant." Sorry if that's the case. It just came from the conversation Lee and I had and sits with our sense of humour, but I'm sorry if I offended you.

Don't be silly! I didn't see it as flippant at all. And I wanted to write about this to encourage others to do it.

Yeah, Grant should be a sperm donor. Do something useful instead of his constant wanking in public.

Boom tish.

> "That why remark could have been seen as just a little too flippant."

Yeah, we don't want any offhand remarks in this discussion. If someone starts in with some limpwristed comments we'll be beating off all sorts of tossers.

I just got back from the mandatory six month meeting with the psychiatrist today.

I actually think the system is set up in a way that's ethical. It's good that kids can find their biological relatives. When you look at adopted kids, some people really want to find their biological relatives and others never do. It's good that they will now have that option. However, the system is also completely non-functional as a result of all this close administration and the complete absence of an advertising budget.

If I ever do manage to have a kid - if! if! - I plan to join the WA reproductive technology council and lobby for a serious budget to advertise for donors.

I contemplated donating eggs as well but a, I'm too old and b, I don't have the necessary distance. I want them to be my kids. But I really, really admire people who donate.

And I can only say that any clinic would explode with joy if someone walked in who wanted to donate sperm at the moment (given the massive dirth). Especially if you specified that lesbians and single women could use it. Twice now I've been told that sperm has come in and then rung to say that it came with conditions and I can't use it.

Obviously that sucks. So does the waiting. And this pain is obviously nothing in comparison with a miscarriage but it still represents the loss of a potential child and the end of my hopes of having, say, several kids. My whole life is on hold pending this and it just keeps not getting any closer.

So I can only say that donating would bring much love into the world.

Actually, Splanky saw an advert looking for women up to 40 I think it was. Maybe things have changed a little.

When I lost my baby, the first thing anyone asked was "Are you going to try again?" The answer was yes, we just had to wait for one normal period before doing so. My next period was fine so we tried again. I fell pregnant first go and we were so excited. Looking back though I think we should have waited three months. I still wasn't emotionally or physically strong and suffered a lot of fear for those nine months. Due to the recent miscarriage I bled on and off up until 6 months, which meant many hospitalisations. By the end of it I was a nervous wreck.

You are showing remarkable strength in all this, but give yourselves time to heal. Little things are going to make you hurt, especially memories like this one.

I just had a thought about the comment I made. I didn't mean that I'm the lovely, giving person. I meant you both. I'm a bitch! You guys are wonderful!

Just thought I'd clear that up.

I find you totally loveable. Like Sully in Monsters, Inc :)

Are you calling me a blue fatty? ;)

Hush your tongue. Sully was perfect. For a monster.

BTW You looked great at the wedding.

Thanks! :)

We really should catch up soon. You, me, and our men.

Well I hate you cos I am still playing bejewelled.

Well, I'm a bastard. The only reason I'm nice is because I choose to be. I could also be nasty.

I think you're giving... you give me much enjoyment when you get pissed off for a start!

You have the strength to choose to be nice. I just can't be fucked ;)

Over here, sperm donation can't be done anonymously any more - and the number of donors has dropped right away. Is it the same in Oz ?

Yup, plus we had other issues.

Big post in the next few days, honest :)

You've got us all interested. We want to know :)

Yes, the second the rules saying donors must be known came into play, the number of donors dropped dramatically.

What I have found particularly frustrating is that the publications from the Department of Health still pretend that you can go to a fertility clinic and ask for donated sperm. Well, you can, but then there's at least a 12 month delay.

BUT, having said that, I am confident that it is a more ethical system. It's just that, having introduced these new rules, I feel there is an obligation to actually advertise for donors rather than sit back and say, 'Oh well, the system has ceased to function'.

I've got to say that were I to ever donate sperm, I would be happier for my donated sperm baby to be able to track me down if they wanted to once they were an adult. Don't know if that's what non-anonymous donors means, but I'd like that.

That said, I think I would only really ever want to donate sperm to someone I knew. Don't know why. I think I'd want to be reassured that a moron wasn't going to get my precious manbabies.

I don't know if I could do it. I mean, imagine if I donated and the kid eventually googled me and their first ever glimpse of their biological father was this or this. How would the poor kid feel?

Actually, I guess Danny's in the same boat. :D

Whoa, imagine the kid reading Danny's blog in 18 years time.

Yeah, especially since I saw some photos from Fan O Fan which had re-emerged on the weekend.

Don't feel any pressure to post about donation quickly. It's an intresting subject but will still be interesting when you are strong enough to write about it.

I'm so sorry to hear about the miscarriage - it's not fair that people who are so generous to others have such things happen to them. Like stephen_dedman says, hope you get the happiness you deserve soon.

I thought about donating an egg a few years ago - heading towards 40 childless does that to you - but like battblush I was too old (35 is the cutoff in the UK - same here?). Given how desperate people are for the eggs maybe the authorities should rethink this guidance - I imagine they're screened after harvesting to verify they're good quality?

Eggs are harder to screen for quality than sperm - mainly because sperm swim around and that can give you an idea of how they are :) Plus each egg produced is a potential child (well, half of), whereas out of one lot of sperm, it doesn't matter if a lot of them are dodgy, as long as there's a few good ones.

The only real way to test for age-related problems is to do a genetic test after fertilisation, which is very expensive and can stop it developing further.

Well mate, you got the gong and to be truthful, I nominated you. Not for fiction, but for the awesome honesty of your livejournal postings and the quality of the writings in them. No irony intended. :)

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Ironies both funny and cruel

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Thanks Emma.

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