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Interview went well. Sian was great. Sharon and I spoke for a couple of hours about donating, Tracy, Nibblet, SF fandom, droving, mini-strokes, etc. It's looking like we'll be Sharon and Danny Smith.
Photo-wise, none were taken today (was sort of aware of this, as Sian had mentioned it would probably be too short a notice to get a photographer) and she said that if they decide they need a piccie, they may get one of us while we're in Perth! So it'll be a while before the piece sees the light of day.
Of course I shaved my beard off two weeks earlier than I was going to, just in case, but oh well. The interview made a nice break from trying to either render stuff, or get things together for a possible clip I might be doing.
Scary when a two hour interview is more restful than preparations for a con :)
Photo-wise, none were taken today (was sort of aware of this, as Sian had mentioned it would probably be too short a notice to get a photographer) and she said that if they decide they need a piccie, they may get one of us while we're in Perth! So it'll be a while before the piece sees the light of day.
Of course I shaved my beard off two weeks earlier than I was going to, just in case, but oh well. The interview made a nice break from trying to either render stuff, or get things together for a possible clip I might be doing.
Scary when a two hour interview is more restful than preparations for a con :)
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Been spending most of this week dealing with two things. Trying to get over the trip to Melbourne, and a bout of insomnia.
If I go travelling these days I can generally look forward to anywhere up to two weeks worth of being buggered. I'm kind of used to it now, and can more or less work around it. But with a bout of insomnia on top of that... well, I've been zombie boy all week. Tired, and no concentration, and I'm just not sleeping well. It's a bugger!
The worst thing is I've actually been too tired to drive since getting back, so any jobs that have needed me to go to any of the more problematic places haven't happened. A nuisance, really.
But on the bright side, Shaz had the 15/16 week scan today, and Nibblet seems to be doing fine. It's that weird thing, we have a pretty good idea of Nibblet's physical form thanks to Tracy, and that's probably the biggest connection we have to it. Scan was good, no sign of potential issues, so hopefully we'll get all the way through this time.
Then I'll have a really good reason to be tired :)
If I go travelling these days I can generally look forward to anywhere up to two weeks worth of being buggered. I'm kind of used to it now, and can more or less work around it. But with a bout of insomnia on top of that... well, I've been zombie boy all week. Tired, and no concentration, and I'm just not sleeping well. It's a bugger!
The worst thing is I've actually been too tired to drive since getting back, so any jobs that have needed me to go to any of the more problematic places haven't happened. A nuisance, really.
But on the bright side, Shaz had the 15/16 week scan today, and Nibblet seems to be doing fine. It's that weird thing, we have a pretty good idea of Nibblet's physical form thanks to Tracy, and that's probably the biggest connection we have to it. Scan was good, no sign of potential issues, so hopefully we'll get all the way through this time.
Then I'll have a really good reason to be tired :)
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So, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shazgirl and I are coping. Not always great, but we're getting there. And we're coping even when the universe throws things like giving me co-workers that talk about babies a lot, or has a woman coming into Shaz's work most afternoons with her newborn. It's just another little poke in a delicate spot, but we're kind of used to them.
I was sitting here and Sharon told me that friends of ours had had their baby, a boy. And we're both genuinely happy for them, no issue about that! It's great news!
A few minutes later, she makes a noise. She's been going back through their LJ and discovered that their bub was born on the 19th.
Same day Tracy was due.
Ouch.
Still very happy for them, glad their son is well and everything, just want the universe to stop punching us in the same friggin' spot all the bloody time! And I have to admit to being glad it was a boy. Would be hard for me to see a daughter every year knowing that that's how old our girl might have been.
shazgirl and I are coping. Not always great, but we're getting there. And we're coping even when the universe throws things like giving me co-workers that talk about babies a lot, or has a woman coming into Shaz's work most afternoons with her newborn. It's just another little poke in a delicate spot, but we're kind of used to them.I was sitting here and Sharon told me that friends of ours had had their baby, a boy. And we're both genuinely happy for them, no issue about that! It's great news!
A few minutes later, she makes a noise. She's been going back through their LJ and discovered that their bub was born on the 19th.
Same day Tracy was due.
Ouch.
Still very happy for them, glad their son is well and everything, just want the universe to stop punching us in the same friggin' spot all the bloody time! And I have to admit to being glad it was a boy. Would be hard for me to see a daughter every year knowing that that's how old our girl might have been.
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Ok, so had a fair weekend. Drove to Sydney for Lewis' 50th birthday. Left at about 8am, the drive was good, about four hours, though I only just got through my two hour shift. Lewis was quite surprised to see us there and we had a good yak.
Lewis and Marilyn came back to Nick and Adrian's and we all chatted for a while, and geeked out about the Zero X from Thunderbirds. Nick, Adrian, Sharon and myself all crashed out pretty quickly after the birthday boy had left.
The next day we went for a walk and Nick showed me the gallery he wants me to do an exhibition of my photography at. I had in my mind some little dinky local gallery... this is not what I had in mind. It's kind of big. And impressive. Not the sort of place a working class, barefooted drover expects to have his happy snaps shown to the world.
Not intimidated at alllll...
( A few other bits and bobs, mainly cut for length and the sanity of those that get sick of reading about when I'm not doing well... )
Lewis and Marilyn came back to Nick and Adrian's and we all chatted for a while, and geeked out about the Zero X from Thunderbirds. Nick, Adrian, Sharon and myself all crashed out pretty quickly after the birthday boy had left.
The next day we went for a walk and Nick showed me the gallery he wants me to do an exhibition of my photography at. I had in my mind some little dinky local gallery... this is not what I had in mind. It's kind of big. And impressive. Not the sort of place a working class, barefooted drover expects to have his happy snaps shown to the world.
Not intimidated at alllll...
( A few other bits and bobs, mainly cut for length and the sanity of those that get sick of reading about when I'm not doing well... )
Was it always so hard to read by firelight?
That's what I'm thinking as I sit here and start this piece, one that may take me several days to write, or I may get done in a day or two. Unless I'm really game, and my old laptop's battery holds out, it's unlikely I'll get it done tonight. ( And I didn't, but I did get this one done - Warning Long... EDIT - Comments Screened )
That's what I'm thinking as I sit here and start this piece, one that may take me several days to write, or I may get done in a day or two. Unless I'm really game, and my old laptop's battery holds out, it's unlikely I'll get it done tonight. ( And I didn't, but I did get this one done - Warning Long... EDIT - Comments Screened )
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Another post, like the Love and Hate, I've been wanting to get up for ages. This is a list of gifts I've been given in the last couple of years. It's incomplete, but like the Love and Hate I've posted today, relevant to the broken down state I've found myself in. I'm choosing not to name people in case they'd rather remain anonymous. Most of the gifts aren't physical items.( Read more... )
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Still dreadfully depressed, have been for two or three days. Needy, emotional, and cuddly, not a good state to start my 40th birthday trip, but surprisingly I've now had two showers in a row where I haven't ended up sobbing! Yay! See? I'm virtually over the death of my daughter!
Dance-card in Melbourne very messy and disorganised, I waited too long on one person getting back to me, and now I haven't got much else organised. Which may not be a bad thing, as it'll mean (in theory) lots of rest, but still.
Nowhere near ready to leave, but really don't care. I'll head off tomorrow when I do, with what I have, and that'll be it. Not wanting to leave Sharon (who is doing better than I am by a country mile) but I actually think this trip is the best thing I could be doing for myself from an emotional/psychological standpoint. Eucla time is needed.
[Poll #1046939]
Dance-card in Melbourne very messy and disorganised, I waited too long on one person getting back to me, and now I haven't got much else organised. Which may not be a bad thing, as it'll mean (in theory) lots of rest, but still.
Nowhere near ready to leave, but really don't care. I'll head off tomorrow when I do, with what I have, and that'll be it. Not wanting to leave Sharon (who is doing better than I am by a country mile) but I actually think this trip is the best thing I could be doing for myself from an emotional/psychological standpoint. Eucla time is needed.
[Poll #1046939]
Shaz and I are about 15-30 minutes away from leaving for Melbourne... Only two hours later than we originally intended!
Both struggling lots. Yesterday was two months since we lost Tracy, and this trip was originally intended to have a preggers Shaz catching up with our friends before bub came along. So we're actually both a mess.
Still hoping to get to MSFC tonight, will have to see how physically and mentally exhausted we are when we get there, as we're starting the trip in a hell of a state.
Now to go whoosh!
Whoosh!
Both struggling lots. Yesterday was two months since we lost Tracy, and this trip was originally intended to have a preggers Shaz catching up with our friends before bub came along. So we're actually both a mess.
Still hoping to get to MSFC tonight, will have to see how physically and mentally exhausted we are when we get there, as we're starting the trip in a hell of a state.
Now to go whoosh!
Whoosh!
May be driving now. Not sure.
Part of the reasoning behind flying was to shorten the time I was away from Sharon. But if I fly to Perth, then drive to Eucla and back, with all the other bits of the trip factored in I'd be away for around 22 days, give or take a couple. ( Rambling thoughts on trip, Tracy, etc. )
Part of the reasoning behind flying was to shorten the time I was away from Sharon. But if I fly to Perth, then drive to Eucla and back, with all the other bits of the trip factored in I'd be away for around 22 days, give or take a couple. ( Rambling thoughts on trip, Tracy, etc. )
I broke myself yesterday and so have paid the price today. After a night of not being able to snuggle with Shaz because my skin hurt, I woke and felt exhausted. Shaz dragged herself out of bed to go shopping, I dragged myself into the bathroom to have a shower and clean the tiles of said shower.
( Cut for length, and various emotional things... )
( Cut for length, and various emotional things... )
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Quiet. Fending of depression with both hands. Weepy. Randomly alternating between binary states of highly lascivious and not-at-all interested. Very angry. Managing small distractions here and there (hence the icons yesterday). Tired and distraught.
All up, not dreadful, but still kinda crappy.
Need hugs, sex, and someone to beat-up.
All up, not dreadful, but still kinda crappy.
Need hugs, sex, and someone to beat-up.
I'm not sure if these ironies are like the ones from that song Isn't it Ironic? where the irony was there was no real irony in the song, but here goes.( Read more... )
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So, we slept pretty solidly and woke this morning feeling... knackered. No idea why! *grin*
We chatted to the doctor, who ended up crying in front of us because we're such a loving and supporting couple. Chatted to Maree, our favourite midwife, who is looking foreward to us coming back in again one day with a full-term pregnancy. ( Some black humour and slightly ghoulish stuff mixed through this... You've been warned... )
We're both doing ok. A little teary, very tired, but good. We're also aware that in coming days, or weeks or months that we won't be. I don't know when Shaz or I are going to crawl into a ball and wail for an hour, but I know it'll happen. Probably more than a few times.
Thanks again, to those who posted, to those who thought about us, and to those who prayed for us. You've all shown that if we need you, a community of people is there to comfort us, hold us, to give us strength, and let us be as weak and fragile as we need to be.
We chatted to the doctor, who ended up crying in front of us because we're such a loving and supporting couple. Chatted to Maree, our favourite midwife, who is looking foreward to us coming back in again one day with a full-term pregnancy. ( Some black humour and slightly ghoulish stuff mixed through this... You've been warned... )
We're both doing ok. A little teary, very tired, but good. We're also aware that in coming days, or weeks or months that we won't be. I don't know when Shaz or I are going to crawl into a ball and wail for an hour, but I know it'll happen. Probably more than a few times.
Thanks again, to those who posted, to those who thought about us, and to those who prayed for us. You've all shown that if we need you, a community of people is there to comfort us, hold us, to give us strength, and let us be as weak and fragile as we need to be.
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