Godparents

[dalekboy]

Sharon and I have been thinking about Godparents. It's kind of hard. In the old days, Godparents were to look after the religious education of the child and took over care in the event it was orphaned. While we have no need for religious education as such, picking people who would be good mentors for bub is difficult.

That's one of the problems with being in fandom, there's a lot of good people who we feel close to and who have a wide range of skills and knowledge. One of the advantages is that those people will play a part in Lex's life anyway.

We're thinking of one of Sharon's relatives as a potential to care for the child in case Sharon dies, and in the unlikely event that someone figures out how to combine the seven bottles of homebrand cola, the duck, and the piece of twine in the right combination needed to kill me. If the relo doesn't take it on, or something happens to them down the track, then it makes the choice of our other Godparents that much more important. It needs to be people we'd trust raising our kid, who we think could cope, and who we think would be actually willing to take on the burden

That's what makes it hard.

There are those who we think, no, they've got enough to cope with with their lives or their own kids. Those who would be fine dealing with a ten year old, but would really struggle with a five-year old. Those who don't watch Doctor Who... and so on. Some of these are some of the reasons there's only one of Sharon's relatives that we're considering. And while I come from a largish family, the two people I would be most happy asking to care for my kid each have partners that there's no way in hell I'd let be responsible for Lex.

So yeah, it's been an interesting process. We're still umm-ing and ahh-ing. What is interesting is the range of people and backgrounds that are being gone through. Artists, scientists, writers, programmers, athiests, Catholics, pagans, Jews, straight, gay, bi, polygamous, lit, media, SCA, furry... And while we're tending to think mainly of individuals, one of the few couples we're considering are both male.

Man this kid is gunna have a broad range of influences in their life.

Which I knew, but it's only once you start listing them you realise just how broad that influence will be. We are so lucky :)

Comments

[mortonhall.livejournal.com]

being asked to be a godparent for M was one of the happiest moments of my life **beams with pride**

TC and I have taken quite seriously to the role and are ensuring that M's corruption ... err.. spiritual guidance is one of our primary roles.

[callistra.livejournal.com]

We have lots of grandparents around the place, so where they live in a case of sudden orphaning is OK, and I trust both sets of our parents to sort things out nicely.

I figure all of our friends will be the 'spiritual guidance' they need.
;-)

[strangedave.livejournal.com]

I am the god parent of a young child (a 3rd generation swancon attendee!), a responsibility I take very seriously. While the responsibility of raising the child should her parents die is something we have talked about, the other responsibility we have thought about is the idea of there being someone for moral/spiritual guidance. I think it is valuable for a child to have someone that they know they can talk to about that sort of thing, but who isn't their parents (there are always going to be some issues you just don't want to discuss with your parents). I promised her parents that, when the time comes (she is still only a toddler), that I'd try to ensure she got a real moral and religious education, from Nietsche to Voodoo.

So I just wanted to say that I agree that, even though a lot of us don't want someone to fill the traditional religious education role, that godparents are valuable even for people that don't see a need for the traditional 'god' part, and I think it is great that you are thinking hard about it.

[mynxii.livejournal.com]

K and I have discussions on this occasionally too - I can't imagine how we will ever make a decision...

*much love*

[smofbabe.livejournal.com]

I think that if you substitute "values" for "religious education," you'll hit it pretty close. My feeling is that the idea is for the godparents to be people whom you can trust to establish the same values in your child that you intend to. I can see where the problem becomes geometrically more difficult once you have to consider partners and people's current stage in life re: housing, employment, and so on. I have known cases where the godparents were not a pair, that is, there was a godmother and a godfather who were not connected. (Mario Puzo jokes aside :-> ) Best of luck with this difficult and important decision!

[kaths.livejournal.com]

I'm not clear - are you thinking of the godparent/s as being the same as the guardian? It doesn't have to be the same person/people. So you could eg name one person in your wills as the guardian, and have 10 completely different godparents :)

[emma-in-oz.livejournal.com]

i set up a will with abyelvis and bigjobbies as guardians in case i die. i love my folks but they are way too old to take on a baby

[magnapops.livejournal.com]

I am still very happy with our selection of godparents (for want of a better word) for Jess. Even though their circumstances have changed.

Our thoughts were looking for friends with partners as bringing up a child , (if we both passed away before she reached a certain age), is hard enough without dropping the responsibility on a single person. That was how our thought processes went anyway.

[mireille21.livejournal.com]

Of my godparents, one is in Canada, and the other one went insane back in the 70s. So really, not a whole lot of guiding going on there.

[vegetus.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, in terms of guardianship people's situations change alot over time. Someone who would be very capable and willing to look after Lex this year might not be able to down the track.

But having an adult person around who is willing to support a child, yet isn't parent-y is very good and it sounds like your extended family will be wonderful for them. I had to find my own older person to talk to growing up and I think if a child needs to and has access to lots of different people they will find the one they are the most comfortable with (one of my childless aunts turned out to be fairly cool and she wasn't my godparent either).

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

I never had godparents... *feels left out*