Cause Education

[dalekboy]

This post has been brewing for a couple of years. It's not about any one of the many causes worth fighting for, it's not about or aimed at any one person, it hasn't been spurred on by any one event.

Abuse and accusations are not how you win people over to your way of thinking. Keeping your allies on the back-foot because you think they should know better does not help teach them how to better understand or present your side of an argument.

It's with good reason that there's only a handful of people I listen to when they talk about issues. They have earned my respect on the subjects, not just because of their knowledge, but the way they deal with the people they interact with.

Time and again I have heard some folks say that a person shouldn't be rewarded just for doing the right thing. It shouldn't be praiseworthy that you're doing what everyone should already be doing anyway.

I would agree with this, except for one major problem - that same person will often be actively punished the moment they take a wrong step. And if they make a point of saying, "But how about all these occasions where I've done it correctly?" they get abused for expecting praise for doing the right thing.

If someone offers you a drink because you're thirsty, do you not thank them? If someone offers you food, shelter, a hand carrying something heavy, just because it's the right thing to do, should they not be thanked? How is acknowledging someone who does the right thing a negative act?

"Well, when I do this stuff, no-one ever acknowledges it," isn't a reason, it's an excuse to indulge in equally poor behaviour. "Well when I do these things, I don't expect to get thanked." Well that's great, but chances are you're not being taught these things, either. You don't necessarily need the encouragement or support, don't need the affirmation that on this delicate issue, you're doing the right thing.

Acknowledging the ones who do it right helps to show them they're on the right track, and for those who don't understand the issues it's a pointer in the right direction. And that is a vital first step to changing minds - letting people see the behaviour that is valued and considered desirable.

If you saw someone teaching children, and they abused all those who didn't understand the subject, ignored the ones who did it right, and then attacked and belittled the good ones every time they made a mistake, would you think that person was doing a good job of teaching? At an almost instinctive level you would know that this is the wrong way to teach, that for every child successfully taught this way, there would be numerous ones where it was an abject failure.

Most people would rather avoid being taught the subject altogether, than cop the abuse.

Any cause you champion, puts you in the role of teacher. You're tying to undo social conditioning and thought processes that have probably been ingrained since childhood. You're trying to teach a point of view that is often alien to the student. Even if they think they understand the problem, they probably don't get most of the nuances and subtleties no matter how much they try, and many will be painfully aware of this.

You're not going to achieve your goals through impatience.

I'm not saying you can't be frustrated. I'm not saying you can't question what they meant in order to ascertain whether they were doing the wrong thing, or misspoke, or are merely confused and need a gentle nudge in the right direction. I'm not saying you can't get stuck into someone who is an arrogant bastard. But pick your battles, pick who deserves to be yelled at and who deserves a quiet, "Um, I think you might be mistaken..."

Never assume deliberate belligerence where a lack of knowledge, an honest mistake, a poor turn of phrase, or good old fashioned thoughtlessness could be the real cause of the error.

If you think you're going to fix people's thinking by abusing those who know no better, withholding acknowledgment from the people who do it right, and by aiming cheap shots at the promising students when they make a mistake, then you know as little about humanity as those you wish to educate.

Comments

[mireille21.livejournal.com]

Good rant. And not too far from a little rant I was having with a friend the other day, about how workplaces now seem to be *so* much about focussing on what people did poorly when it comes to the end of year appraisals and not acknowledgeing all the other frickin' brilliant stuff they've done. The 99-1 ratio. Who wants to go to work to be berated for the 1 thing they did poorly? And not the 99 things they did brilliantly?

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Some workplaces, like a certain comic shop I used to work for, were always like that. People getting the job done right, rarely having that acknowledged but being told, "Now do it quicker."

Or like trying to tell the bosses again and again, that saying thank you to your staff for doing a good job was important, and getting the reply, "They get thanked every pay-day with a pay packet."

No, the pay packet is a legal and contractual obligation. Saying please and thank you to your staff is a social one.

Actually, the whole general kerfuffle that I'm reacting to smacks of, "See how easy it is?" syndrome. Someone is capable either through natural ability or years of experience, to do something quickly and accurately. And every time they are dealing with someone relatively new, or who has a different skill set, they keep harping at them and making the point that the task is incredibly easy, inferring that the person is either stupid, untalented, lazy, or all three.

[wolflullaby.livejournal.com]

I used to get really upset when I was little, and my Dad or Sister used to try and teach me things. They would use the word "obvious". "Oh it's obvious that you do it like this."... "Oh well obviously this is the answer."

This left me feeling stupid because it wasn't obvious to me.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we're all guilty of occasionally using language that will hurt someone else in some way, because different things hit different people. It doesn't matter that it's unintentional, it still hurts.

My family has a rough sense of humour, and one element of that is you tease the people you love. Over the years my dad made many, many harsh comments that were water off a duck's back to me. But one of the most silly and innocent, "You look like a bloody monkey when you whistle," said to me when I was about ten, cut me to the quick. I still have an internal flinch and am incredibly self-conscious every time I decide to whistle.

[kaths.livejournal.com]

Yeah, when I;m trying to teach someone something on the computer, I try not to say anything about it being 'easy', as if it's not easy for them, they'll feel like an idiot.

[mireille21.livejournal.com]

"Actually, the whole general kerfuffle that I'm reacting to smacks of, "See how easy it is?" syndrome. Someone is capable either through natural ability or years of experience, to do something quickly and accurately. And every time they are dealing with someone relatively new, or who has a different skill set, they keep harping at them and making the point that the task is incredibly easy, inferring that the person is either stupid, untalented, lazy, or all three."

*nods*

In one place I worked we relied on file clerks to get customer packets for us from secure storage. Now, this was a low paid and shit job, basically pulling files all day and delivering them to the desks of 'important' staff. I always made sure I thanked them every time they delivered something to my desk. Yes, it's their job. Yes, in a way it is creating work for me. And yes, it is dead easy to do (and low paid). But y'know what, without them i could not do my job, and they weren't just invisible people who didn't deserve recognition. They even got to know my name, which in a place that size is saying something.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

The thing about treating people like human beings is that it makes them feel valued, and it can come back to you in the most delightful ways. I always remember being surprised and delighted at getting Christmas cards from customers.

I've never been good at the Chrissy card thing, but try to make a point of giving chocolates or similar to staff of places that give me good service every Easter and Christmas. And occasionally other times if I'm cashed up and in a good mood.

[kaths.livejournal.com]

ah yeah, i wrote my reply before reading yours, which is much better :)

[jocko55.livejournal.com]

Ah training, you have to remember that what is normal for you may not be for a newbie. I still am faintly incredulous that school students at work do not see the order created by the dewey decimal system.