As a mother who lost her first baby (and still feels the pain nearly 17 years on) I have three pieces of advice.
1. Ask to see the baby. I couldn't, I lost mine too early, but at your stage you should. Sex and everything is determined, you'll know the baby's face and features, everything from ears to toes. And name her. I think of my first baby as Alice. I alone named her, my first husband thought I was stupid for doing so, but 17 years on she still has identity.
2. Frame the ultrasound picture. This is your baby. You are parents. Keep the memory around. Keep something of the baby just for the baby ie if you'd bought a few things, keep one that won't be handed on to the next baby. Keep it special, just for them.
3. Allow Sharon to grieve and talk and cry for as long as she wants. My ex-husband walked out of the hospital acting as if nothing happened. Years later I wanted to discuss that first baby and his reply was "Oh I'd forgotten about it. We've got Cassandra now." This is going to be with her for the rest of her life.
4. Do the same yourself. Show Sharon you're in pain. Too many men hide their grief which only serves too make their partner feel isolated. Sharon needs to know you care as much as she does.
I wish I could hold your hand right now. I know what it is to need human contact at a time like this.
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4 pieces of advice
Date: 2007-06-01 03:07 am (UTC)1. Ask to see the baby. I couldn't, I lost mine too early, but at your stage you should. Sex and everything is determined, you'll know the baby's face and features, everything from ears to toes. And name her. I think of my first baby as Alice. I alone named her, my first husband thought I was stupid for doing so, but 17 years on she still has identity.
2. Frame the ultrasound picture. This is your baby. You are parents. Keep the memory around. Keep something of the baby just for the baby ie if you'd bought a few things, keep one that won't be handed on to the next baby. Keep it special, just for them.
3. Allow Sharon to grieve and talk and cry for as long as she wants. My ex-husband walked out of the hospital acting as if nothing happened. Years later I wanted to discuss that first baby and his reply was "Oh I'd forgotten about it. We've got Cassandra now." This is going to be with her for the rest of her life.
4. Do the same yourself. Show Sharon you're in pain. Too many men hide their grief which only serves too make their partner feel isolated. Sharon needs to know you care as much as she does.
I wish I could hold your hand right now. I know what it is to need human contact at a time like this.