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Fandom's Fatness
This is something I was going to write about ages back, and have now been prompted to by this interesting piece from New Scientist about how if your friends are overweight, it may increase the chances that you'll end up being overweight.
I've certainly noted a number of people who were in the ordinary weight range when they joined fandom, only to have packed on the pounds within a few years. Stop and think about it for a moment - how many people have you known that, once they joined active fandom, put on a fairly noticeable amount of weight?
There is a social acceptance of fatness in fandom. In fact, people will argue for their right to be overweight. They will loudly proclaim their excuses - "I've always had weight problems," "I can't exercise," "Nothing works," and of course "I'm just big." And there will be many people who will support these statements. That some of these reasons are true, I have no doubt. However, many are simply excuses for not getting off their arses. It's easier to whine, make excuses and do nothing - to stay the victim - than it is to work hard to achieve change. If fitness and weight-loss were easy, most people would lean and healthy.
Now fans are a subculture built of people who haven't fitted in, so we generally tend to be very forgiving and supportive of all but the most extreme behaviour. The problem is, we're also supportive of bad, rude, and unhealthy behaviour. In most cultures it's considered the height of rudeness to publically correct someone, in fandom people are aching to be first to shout out at a panelist's minor error of wording.
That's one example. I've seen people be very supportive of their friends trying to lose weight and/or get fit. The problem tends to be that many people are actually more supportive of failure. Someone trying to get fit or healthy fails, and there are a multitude of people helping them come up with the excuses. Not only that, but a lot of the attitude is "Well you've failed now, so there's no point to starting again, is there?"
I've seen people saying to their friends who have announced they're going on a diet, "Why bother?" More commonly the reaction is to explain to the diet-er how diets "don't work for me." That's fine they don't work for you... how is this relevant to someone else trying to lose weight, other than to make you feel better about yourself? Oh, and of course there is the regular, "You don't need to lose weight."
I've watched people who are on diets pushed by their friends to eat junk food. A lot of this sort of unintentional sabotage goes on in fandom. People are essentially selfish and thoughtless, they want the extra Timtams but feel guilty eating them because they know they shouldn't, so they push their friends to eat them too. If eating with friends is a shared experience, eating crap in fandom is the same thing cubed - no one should be left out because then someone else may feel a bit like a pig - so we will push everyone to join us at the McDonald's Memorial McTrough.
Yes, I'm talking in harsh generalisations. But fandom is a community and that is both its strength and weakness. Communities have ingrained ideas - the same community that supports you can also hold you back. The same community also uses harsh generalisations.
One example of that is the attitude fans tend to display towards people who enjoy sports. If you like or, God forbid, participate in sports, then you have to deal with a fair amount of negativity. There are a lot of fans who are into sports who just don't mention it because they're sick of having to defend themselves. So why would you tell people you're exercising or working out to get fit when the reactions you get towards other exercise pursuits treat it as if you're doing something unpleasant?
I understand a lot of people in fandom were picked on at school, often by people who also loved sports. Or they were forced to join in on sports when they weren't very good at them. That they have a dislike of sports is not surprising. But you know, if someone's in fandom, they already like the same stuff (in a broad sense, at least), so why are their other likes being attacked? Why are they being made to feel at best uncomfortable, at worst, attacked?
You don't have to be fat to fit into the fandom community, but it helps. That's another problem. There's always someone fatter to point to so you can feel better about yourself. "Well yes, I'm overweight, but at least I'm not as fat as them!"
The cruel irony is that even as there is a push in fandom that big is always beautiful, as soon as someone comes along with a body that is reasonably lean and healthy, they become an object of lust to dozens of fans. So while many (not all) people proudly proclaim their rights and reasons for being overweight, or whine, make excuses and do nothing about it, those same people often lust after the ones who are physically fitter than many of those around them. Often their preference, if given the choice, is to go for the healthier, thinner people, while at the same time doing nothing to improve their own body.
Of course, after a few years, there's a reasonable chance that the newbie will have put on weight too. And be lusting after the thinner fans.
My Dad and his sister Gwen were both solid types, while the rest of their siblings were all outrageously thin. They all grew up in the same household, eating the same meals. Some people are naturally thin, some people are naturally rounder. But there's a difference between having a naturally heavy body, and being fat. Christina Ricci has a gorgeously Rubenesque figure that suits her frame. When she lost a lot of weight, because by Hollywood standards she was fat, I thought she looked really, really unwell.
I know a couple of women who, by most societal standards, would be considered quite overweight. Except I don't think of them that way. Their body shape is one that is clearly down to genetics. Oh they might have a few extra pounds on, but they would still be big, round girls regardless. And to me they have beautiful bodies. My stated preference has always been slender women, and that's true, but I just like a body that looks nice. A naturally curvy body does look nice. And healthy.
But most fans aren't naturally curvy or healthy. Most fans will avoid a long walk. Most fans avoid taking the nearby and obvious set of stairs and choose instead to use a lift go up or down a single level.
One of the things I simply don't don't get is this - many fans have broad and varied tastes, are very sensual and sexual people - the more weight you pack on, the more difficult sex becomes. Layers of fat build up over your pubic area making access and penetration more awkward. The extra weight means sex is physically harder, more tiring, and more limited in scope. I'm not saying that being overweight means you can't have fabulous sex, but it does reduce the scope for variation and experimentation.
Am I alone in thinking that a great and varied sex life is worth eating a bit better and going for walks?
The main reason I hate the fatness of fandom is this - it fucks up the lives of my friends. Some will go to early graves due to various related ills, others live lives that aren't all they could or should be physically or psychologically because of their issues with weight.
Fandom makes it okay to be fat, unhealthy, and unhappy because you're surrounded by people who will always support your failure to be fitter than they are.
Canberra weather
The longer I'm here, the more I like it. Seriously, the A.C.T. is a great place to live. Okay, the winter is cold, really friggin' cold. We got told by locals that the heating gets turned on on Anzac Day and turned off on Labour Day (October in Canberra) and you know, they're pretty much right.
But Canberra winters are also really lovely. For a start, the sun is out most days. Okay, it's not warm, but you can see it, feel it, and there's beautiful blue skies. So, while the lack of cloud cover helps keep things cold, it also means you have lots of lovely sunlight to enjoy. I'd rather the sunlight than the cloud cover.
And I have a love of frost, probably left over from my droving days. There's just something magical about the ground being all silver and white in the morning sunlight that I find breath-takingly lovely. We're also very near the snow, which while I've yet to go and see it, thrills me with its closeness. I've stood on the rise over the road and looked out at distant hills with snow on the peaks. That to me is kind of amazing and magical.
Now everyone goes on about Canberra's cold, they don't mention summer though. I really prefer Canberra's summer over my old Melbourne summer. Not because it's cool, it's not, it's warm and sunny. More importantly, it's consistent! In Melbourne you'll get a 34 degree day, followed by a 37, a 29, a 40, a 28, a 38, a 20(!), a 30, and finally a day that gets to 38, then has a storm with a cold (not cool) wind and the temp drops to 18.
Canberra you'll get two weeks of 30-35, a 40, a few days around 37, another couple of weeks at 35... But most of spring and summer was mid-to-high twenties/low thirties. You know what you're going to need to wear. And the lack of cloud cover helps things to cool down in the evening.
And we got way more thunderstorms in one summer than I've seen over a decade in Melbourne. And I'm a thunderstorm slut.
So yeah, all up I'm lovin' the Canberra sun, cause it's there all year 'round!
This is something I was going to write about ages back, and have now been prompted to by this interesting piece from New Scientist about how if your friends are overweight, it may increase the chances that you'll end up being overweight.
I've certainly noted a number of people who were in the ordinary weight range when they joined fandom, only to have packed on the pounds within a few years. Stop and think about it for a moment - how many people have you known that, once they joined active fandom, put on a fairly noticeable amount of weight?
There is a social acceptance of fatness in fandom. In fact, people will argue for their right to be overweight. They will loudly proclaim their excuses - "I've always had weight problems," "I can't exercise," "Nothing works," and of course "I'm just big." And there will be many people who will support these statements. That some of these reasons are true, I have no doubt. However, many are simply excuses for not getting off their arses. It's easier to whine, make excuses and do nothing - to stay the victim - than it is to work hard to achieve change. If fitness and weight-loss were easy, most people would lean and healthy.
Now fans are a subculture built of people who haven't fitted in, so we generally tend to be very forgiving and supportive of all but the most extreme behaviour. The problem is, we're also supportive of bad, rude, and unhealthy behaviour. In most cultures it's considered the height of rudeness to publically correct someone, in fandom people are aching to be first to shout out at a panelist's minor error of wording.
That's one example. I've seen people be very supportive of their friends trying to lose weight and/or get fit. The problem tends to be that many people are actually more supportive of failure. Someone trying to get fit or healthy fails, and there are a multitude of people helping them come up with the excuses. Not only that, but a lot of the attitude is "Well you've failed now, so there's no point to starting again, is there?"
I've seen people saying to their friends who have announced they're going on a diet, "Why bother?" More commonly the reaction is to explain to the diet-er how diets "don't work for me." That's fine they don't work for you... how is this relevant to someone else trying to lose weight, other than to make you feel better about yourself? Oh, and of course there is the regular, "You don't need to lose weight."
I've watched people who are on diets pushed by their friends to eat junk food. A lot of this sort of unintentional sabotage goes on in fandom. People are essentially selfish and thoughtless, they want the extra Timtams but feel guilty eating them because they know they shouldn't, so they push their friends to eat them too. If eating with friends is a shared experience, eating crap in fandom is the same thing cubed - no one should be left out because then someone else may feel a bit like a pig - so we will push everyone to join us at the McDonald's Memorial McTrough.
Yes, I'm talking in harsh generalisations. But fandom is a community and that is both its strength and weakness. Communities have ingrained ideas - the same community that supports you can also hold you back. The same community also uses harsh generalisations.
One example of that is the attitude fans tend to display towards people who enjoy sports. If you like or, God forbid, participate in sports, then you have to deal with a fair amount of negativity. There are a lot of fans who are into sports who just don't mention it because they're sick of having to defend themselves. So why would you tell people you're exercising or working out to get fit when the reactions you get towards other exercise pursuits treat it as if you're doing something unpleasant?
I understand a lot of people in fandom were picked on at school, often by people who also loved sports. Or they were forced to join in on sports when they weren't very good at them. That they have a dislike of sports is not surprising. But you know, if someone's in fandom, they already like the same stuff (in a broad sense, at least), so why are their other likes being attacked? Why are they being made to feel at best uncomfortable, at worst, attacked?
You don't have to be fat to fit into the fandom community, but it helps. That's another problem. There's always someone fatter to point to so you can feel better about yourself. "Well yes, I'm overweight, but at least I'm not as fat as them!"
The cruel irony is that even as there is a push in fandom that big is always beautiful, as soon as someone comes along with a body that is reasonably lean and healthy, they become an object of lust to dozens of fans. So while many (not all) people proudly proclaim their rights and reasons for being overweight, or whine, make excuses and do nothing about it, those same people often lust after the ones who are physically fitter than many of those around them. Often their preference, if given the choice, is to go for the healthier, thinner people, while at the same time doing nothing to improve their own body.
Of course, after a few years, there's a reasonable chance that the newbie will have put on weight too. And be lusting after the thinner fans.
My Dad and his sister Gwen were both solid types, while the rest of their siblings were all outrageously thin. They all grew up in the same household, eating the same meals. Some people are naturally thin, some people are naturally rounder. But there's a difference between having a naturally heavy body, and being fat. Christina Ricci has a gorgeously Rubenesque figure that suits her frame. When she lost a lot of weight, because by Hollywood standards she was fat, I thought she looked really, really unwell.
I know a couple of women who, by most societal standards, would be considered quite overweight. Except I don't think of them that way. Their body shape is one that is clearly down to genetics. Oh they might have a few extra pounds on, but they would still be big, round girls regardless. And to me they have beautiful bodies. My stated preference has always been slender women, and that's true, but I just like a body that looks nice. A naturally curvy body does look nice. And healthy.
But most fans aren't naturally curvy or healthy. Most fans will avoid a long walk. Most fans avoid taking the nearby and obvious set of stairs and choose instead to use a lift go up or down a single level.
One of the things I simply don't don't get is this - many fans have broad and varied tastes, are very sensual and sexual people - the more weight you pack on, the more difficult sex becomes. Layers of fat build up over your pubic area making access and penetration more awkward. The extra weight means sex is physically harder, more tiring, and more limited in scope. I'm not saying that being overweight means you can't have fabulous sex, but it does reduce the scope for variation and experimentation.
Am I alone in thinking that a great and varied sex life is worth eating a bit better and going for walks?
The main reason I hate the fatness of fandom is this - it fucks up the lives of my friends. Some will go to early graves due to various related ills, others live lives that aren't all they could or should be physically or psychologically because of their issues with weight.
Fandom makes it okay to be fat, unhealthy, and unhappy because you're surrounded by people who will always support your failure to be fitter than they are.
Canberra weather
The longer I'm here, the more I like it. Seriously, the A.C.T. is a great place to live. Okay, the winter is cold, really friggin' cold. We got told by locals that the heating gets turned on on Anzac Day and turned off on Labour Day (October in Canberra) and you know, they're pretty much right.
But Canberra winters are also really lovely. For a start, the sun is out most days. Okay, it's not warm, but you can see it, feel it, and there's beautiful blue skies. So, while the lack of cloud cover helps keep things cold, it also means you have lots of lovely sunlight to enjoy. I'd rather the sunlight than the cloud cover.
And I have a love of frost, probably left over from my droving days. There's just something magical about the ground being all silver and white in the morning sunlight that I find breath-takingly lovely. We're also very near the snow, which while I've yet to go and see it, thrills me with its closeness. I've stood on the rise over the road and looked out at distant hills with snow on the peaks. That to me is kind of amazing and magical.
Now everyone goes on about Canberra's cold, they don't mention summer though. I really prefer Canberra's summer over my old Melbourne summer. Not because it's cool, it's not, it's warm and sunny. More importantly, it's consistent! In Melbourne you'll get a 34 degree day, followed by a 37, a 29, a 40, a 28, a 38, a 20(!), a 30, and finally a day that gets to 38, then has a storm with a cold (not cool) wind and the temp drops to 18.
Canberra you'll get two weeks of 30-35, a 40, a few days around 37, another couple of weeks at 35... But most of spring and summer was mid-to-high twenties/low thirties. You know what you're going to need to wear. And the lack of cloud cover helps things to cool down in the evening.
And we got way more thunderstorms in one summer than I've seen over a decade in Melbourne. And I'm a thunderstorm slut.
So yeah, all up I'm lovin' the Canberra sun, cause it's there all year 'round!
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From:
no subject
Fandom might not be a supportive place if you're on a diet, or trying to get more exercise, but it's also one of the few places you'll see people wearing what they want, costuming as their favourite character or just whatever clothes they like personally, and not being judged for it on the grounds that fat people should go out of their way to hide their lumpy selves. I'm not saying that's always a good thing either, I've seen some spandex abuse at cons that'll be seared into my brain forever, but even if I don't like how some people look dressed as $character, I like that they like how they look that way. Am I making any sense?
I see a lot of this at work, so it's kind of a sore point - I'm sick of being congratulated when my pants are loose and having pretty girls tell me mournfully about a dress they really want but they have to lose a few more kilos to even think about buying it.
From:
no subject
I find most mocking comes because it's easier than admiting that they couldn't do it. Better to make out there's something wrong with you, than admit that you may have more will-power or a greater fitness level.
I was a consistent 52 kilo weight until I got married at around age 30. I was rapt when I first put on the pudding. Coming from a background when all my favourite relatives were overweight, most of the friends I valued were overweight, I always wanted to have more weight on. It was only after I had it on that I noticed the issues. Mild knee problems, fitness issues, etc.
Obesity is an Australia-wide problem. But I find that fandom tends to be a more intense version of the world. And given that many fans have other health issues, I can't help but think that it's more important to start to get people in the community thinking and changing their ways.
Agree about the preparing of healthy food. I think they also need to teach in school that you can have quick healthy meals. I think one of the problems is the perception that people will have to spend ages preparing food after a long day at work. I've watched Tiki create quick, healthy, tasty meals in a very short space of time.
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Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 by the standards of her time, with the adjustments to dress sizes in the intervening period, she comes out as a 12-14. But todays fashion mags would doubtless consider her something of a porker.
Elizabeth Hurley claimed that if she was as fat as Marilyn, she'd kill herself. I wish she would after that comment.
From: (Anonymous)
no subject
Harsh and thought provoking as always. Keep up the good work.
- phil
From:
no subject
You've been speaking to my mother, haven't you?
I think the hardest bit of dieting is support, or lack of. I dieted before my wedding, while I still lived with my parents and in the first couple of months my mother was enthusiastic. She was the one who made the food choices, cooked etc in my house and started off doing healthy stuff, and would exercise with me - until it got 'too hard'. Not surprisingly, my progress after that point went downhill. Then there was Dad getting offended if I didn't want Coke or ice cream. Apparently I was some freak.
It's really hard doing it by yourself.
There are the places that promise 'support' if you join their program, but they're expensive (especially when one is in the process of selling their soul to a government-run fiance organisation ;p)
Sometimes I wish people would stop saying 'you're fine the way you are!' because I'm not. It's not fine that I have a ridiculous time find decent clothes that fit. It's not fine that I have to either spend obscene amounts of money for something that costs a third cheaper on someone 4 sizes smaller or order them in from the freaking USA. It's not fine being uncomfortable in theater seats or having to get the belt extender on the plane. It's not fine going to a doctor - for a completely unrelated thing - and get told I'm a perfect candidate for stomach banding. It's not fine going to the clothes swap at Swancon and there being *nothing* I fit in AND end up missing Kaneda proposing to Ju because I'm back in my room in tears. It's not fine that Drhoz couldn't carry me over the threshold when we got married because he would have hurt his back doing so. It's not fine that I've gained nearly 40 kilos since I met Drhoz. It's not fine that the more one puts on, the more asexual one is seen - ESPECIALLY by an awful lot of the guys I know in fandom (There's been studies that have shown overweight women have higher libidos... but from my observations, it seems the larger you get, the less sex you get too, regardless of your partner situation.) It's not fine that if I'm on the bus, I'm usually one of the last people people will sit next to. It's not fine that I've lost out on parts in plays, or the better roles, because god forbid we should have a fat lead (unless it's the comic role, then its perfectly ok because we all know fat people are jolly *sarcasm*). It's not fine that I'm automatically seen as out of control because obviously if I can't control my weight, I can't control anything else in my life.
I hate being this fat. Not that I want to be 'skinny'. Ha. When I did Weight Watchers when I got told my target weight (which would have gotten me down to half the weight I was then) it was all I could do from not laugh in the leader's face. I think this is similar to the Christina Ricci situation - some people just look horrible at their so-called 'target weight' (the WW leader for instance would have looked a lot healthier with a little extra weight), and I like being voluptuous, but what I'm now isn't voluptuous. I know I will have people argue this, but all bar one of them haven't seen me without clothes on and I am no way voluptuous. (it's amazing what a good bra and a flattering skirt can do).
I don't really feel that sexy anymore. I don't feel attractive. I wonder how much that is to do with being in a relationship - there have been studies that marriage makes you fat (or being in a long term relationship for that matter) partly because you're no longer on the pull and, especially with women, you try to fit in more with your partner's habits. A lot of women I've met fail at diets because their husbands revolt when having to change his meals or insisting she cook two separate meals. It's easier to give in.
I keep telling myself 'yeah, I should start exercising more' and when it comes to the crunch the enormousity makes me curl up in a metaphorical ball of fear. It's like being in a big pit and the top is too high to reach by myself, so why bother? I hate this feeling.
From:
no subject
I remember when I got my first girlfriend and started having regular sex. I lost a LOT of weight quite quickly. Sex is great exercise!
Who wants to sexercise with me? It's not quite so effective on your own. (If it was I'd be borderline anorexic.)
From:
no subject
So, I suppose the question is, is there anything your friends/community can do to help you? What sort of support would you find most helpful?
There's been studies that have shown overweight women have higher libidos... I've somehow missed those studies, but from personal observation I'd say it was on the money. I wonder what the various psychological and physiological factors that influence that are?
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(heh, put it in the Swancon short film competition...)
From:
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The trick, I think, is to start small. I lost a whole chunk of weight (I can't say how much - I don't have scales, I just went by belt holes and how I looked and how others said I looked) a few years just by going on walks a couple of times a week. They were short and slow to start with, but they got longer and faster as I got fitter.
But that was summer.
I'm trying to do more exercise now, during winter, and as geeky as it sounds, I pulled out the dancemat and Mario dancing game I got for the Gamecube a couple of years back and have been playing that for an hour three or four times a week. (okay, that's the goal, have been busy and/or sick the last few weeks)
I have to agree that the initial spark to start is hard, but I've found that it gets easier, and that my general mood is a whole lot happier, once I start actually getting some exercise into the weekly routine.
That's been my experience, anyway.
From:
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I've taken to riding an exercise bike while playing Grand Theft Auto on the Xbox.
From:
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Fucking Nintendo, they are the electronic equivalent of a drug dealer.
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To make it clear that I'm not entirely up myself, I think I grew out of my prettiness after my early twenties. Age has not been kind to me, I don't think. And neither has ill health. I've put on a few kilos as a result and it's thoroughly depressing. Before the endometriosis, I'd make sure my weight stayed below a certain point.
From:
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Video will be taken should the opportunity arise.
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Amen! The only thing I'd add to that is to find some form of exercise that is fun.
Something that you want to do, that you enjoy doing, that you actively seek out ways to bolt into your lifestyle.
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I really am more likely to buy an XB360 first, because I want to play Oblivion and Halo 3.
From:
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Don't be silly, cutie pants.
I had no idea you went to Westrek. I went there for a few months, but then me and some friends got so annoyed with how they ran it we set up the Neutral Zone in opposition.
From:
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Plus NONE of them had a sense of humour about Star Trek. I would constantly joke at the cheesy moments, and I hero-worshipped Shatner which they thought was SO stupid. Alas, they understood not the awesomeness of The Shat. *sigh* Oh well.
Did Neutral Zone run Strange New Worlds? Cause I still have a badge from that stuck up on my door. :)
From:
no subject
Westrek had no right to bitch and moan about the Neutral Zone, because the only reason we existed was because they were doing such an offensive job of running a Star Trek club. And I use the word "offensive" deliberately - they weren't just not very good at it, they actually offended me with the way they ran things. Particularly the annual election where one of the candidate's election platform (I swear to god) was "Well I provide all of the episodes via my contact in the USA so if you don't vote for me you don't get to watch Star Trek."
From:
no subject
Oh God, really? I only went cause it was in Perth and that's as far as Dad would take me to watch Star Trek with a bunch of geeks. That and I had a crush on a dude called Adam, unbeknownst to me he was gay. Which, you'd think I'd grab a clue at the way he fanboyed Wesley Crusher. *shakes head* I was so naive. LOL!
From:
no subject
What I really need is someone to exercise with and to give me a kick up the bum once in a while. Of course, finding someone who can meet up at the same time to exercise is easier said then done. I had a friend that I used to go walking with, but she had to move away. Drhoz keeps making excuses not to. Exercise is kind of like sex, it's ok by yourself, but a HEAP more enjoyable with someone else.
I also wish someone *looks at Drhoz* would stop giving me such big servings of food. Or if I ask him to bring some chocolate home when I'm PSMing, for example, bring just a *little* instead of a whopping big family block. I'm still in the mindset from when I lived with my parents that wasting food is bad and that if I'm served up food, I should eat everything on my place. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I still haven't broken free of that attitude yet.