Of the nearly fifty people I'd like to know better, I've had one or more indepth conversations with thirteen of them. Of the twenty-eight that I'd like more intimacy with, I've had deep talks with six of them, cuddled up with or been more physically intimate around five of those six.
Not to detract in any way from your hating, but I just have to point out that to have had Deep&Meaningfuls with thirteen people and to have seriously intimate friendships with six is still pretty good. I think the statistics say most people will have a list of 3-5 people they consider really close friends. I consider myself a very open, friendly person and I can still only think of half a dozen friends that I've really sat down and talked - and listened - to. There's only four that I'm completely physically comfortable around (you're one).
I think there's a reason for this. Social studies suggest that our brains are wired to deal with a limit of 150 people at a level above passing aquaintance. More than that and we start losing track of details like our relationship with someone (where do I know *her* from??) and how they relate to the other people in our social group, as well as losing a level of interest in them and how they feel towards you. If there's a limit to the number of people we can maintain aquaintancehood with, there's surely also a limit to number we can maintain closer ties with. The heart can only spread so thin.
Please note this is entirely my own ramblings, based (aside from the bit about 150) on nothing more than personal experience and speculation.
Still, I'm twice as glad now I've followed through on instincts to hug you while talking. I don't know if it'll help to hear it, but rest assured I'll never say no to a cuddle from you (well, except maybe when one of us has our hands on the wheel...).
Meanwhile, I'm completely with you on the issue of caring. I'm another big carer (*ahem* in case you hadn't noticed...). I think the world would be a much less difficult place if more people were like this. Better to hurt and be more aware for it and thus make a difference than to close your eyes and live in ignorant bliss.
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Date: 2006-12-13 09:59 am (UTC)Of the nearly fifty people I'd like to know better, I've had one or more indepth conversations with thirteen of them. Of the twenty-eight that I'd like more intimacy with, I've had deep talks with six of them, cuddled up with or been more physically intimate around five of those six.
Not to detract in any way from your hating, but I just have to point out that to have had Deep&Meaningfuls with thirteen people and to have seriously intimate friendships with six is still pretty good. I think the statistics say most people will have a list of 3-5 people they consider really close friends. I consider myself a very open, friendly person and I can still only think of half a dozen friends that I've really sat down and talked - and listened - to. There's only four that I'm completely physically comfortable around (you're one).
I think there's a reason for this. Social studies suggest that our brains are wired to deal with a limit of 150 people at a level above passing aquaintance. More than that and we start losing track of details like our relationship with someone (where do I know *her* from??) and how they relate to the other people in our social group, as well as losing a level of interest in them and how they feel towards you. If there's a limit to the number of people we can maintain aquaintancehood with, there's surely also a limit to number we can maintain closer ties with. The heart can only spread so thin.
Please note this is entirely my own ramblings, based (aside from the bit about 150) on nothing more than personal experience and speculation.
Still, I'm twice as glad now I've followed through on instincts to hug you while talking. I don't know if it'll help to hear it, but rest assured I'll never say no to a cuddle from you (well, except maybe when one of us has our hands on the wheel...).
Meanwhile, I'm completely with you on the issue of caring. I'm another big carer (*ahem* in case you hadn't noticed...). I think the world would be a much less difficult place if more people were like this. Better to hurt and be more aware for it and thus make a difference than to close your eyes and live in ignorant bliss.
Also? You rock.
(See? I'm reading again!)