A day of rest and thoughts

[dalekboy]

So, I'm sitting at nevryn's place. I got in late last night. It's funny how much I love the guy. I was sleeping in the lounge and woke up at about 5:30, and couldn't get back to sleep, but was sensible and made myself stay there. Later I heard his alarm go off, he hit snooze and I waited. It went off again and he hit snooze again. He does this. And every time the alarm went off I got just a little bit more excited - Is he coming out yet? Am I going to see him? - if I'd had a tail it would've been wagging.

Then I put the pieces together - I'm laying on the floor of the loungeroom, all excited waiting for my first glimpse of the lad, ready to greet him all cheery-like - Yes, I'm his fucking dog!

He's off at work now. I've tried on his underwear, one of each of his socks, and now I'm doing the weird juggle between making sure I rest, and having so much to write about.

I wasn't able to write much on the actual trip - a mixture of limited mental and physical stamina, plus not much time to write. Want to do two trip posts. One a run down of some of the nifty stuff what I did, the other all about the weird emotional/psychological journey. I'm breaking them up so those who really don't like reading about my serious self-examinations, sex life, insecurities, and me crying lots, don't have to.

Also wanting to do another Gifts-style post, talking deeply about some of the recent good and bad things that have happened in my life. There's been some beautiful stuff on this trip, but also some things (mostly well pre-trip) that have left scars over the last year or so that I haven't mentioned.

I'm still pretty broken all up. Have tried to figure whether I had a bit of a breakdown while in Melbourne... or whether 'bit of a breakdown' is possible, like being slightly pregnant. Certainly I can't remember a time in my life when I've been this much of a mess - it really is very interesting. And it's given me some interesting opportunities from an emotional growth point-of-view that I may never have had otherwise. Even with all the tears, neediness, general falling-apart-ness, I keep finding things interesting, positive, lovely or all three.

It's certainly pushed me well outside my comfort zones, which I always think is a good thing. Always been all too happy to give help, but not take it because I didn't want to be a nuisance. Now I'm actively asking! Go me!

Anyway, I'm rambling because I'm tired. You can tell I'm tired, I've added a bunch of books to Facebook.

Comments

[dortamur.livejournal.com]

*rofl*
I literally 5 minutes ago asked nevryn "So where's Danny staying", and got told his side of the tale - sans underwear try-ons.

Welcome to sunny, errrr, rainy Perth!

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

*grin*

Oh good, I did make it... I thought I was back in Melbourne!

In fairness, he doesn't know about the underwear thing... though I suppose he does now, eh?

I'm about to use his shower, too. Not sure for what though...

[dortamur.livejournal.com]

Yep, he knows about the underwear now. ^_^

He's confident you can find a towel on your own...

[leahcim.livejournal.com]

I've tried on his underwear

Don't forget to wash your scalp thoroughly afterwards.

[rendragon.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Beware the underwear ninja! =P

[kaths.livejournal.com]

So now I'm wondering if you tried on *my* underwear :)

I think breakdowns can come in all shapes and sizes, and one person may even have different types at different times.

Different intensities, different lengths of time, smooth or bumpy curves into and out of it, and about different things etc.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

So now I'm wondering if you tried on *my* underwear :)

No, why? Do you think I should?

Nah, couldn't do that. That'd be weird that would, wearing girl's underwear. People would think I was strange or something.

Simon's socks work great as willy warmers, you know...

[linstar.livejournal.com]

Ah Danny. There's something to be said about Simon's socks making great willy warmers :) I'm not sure I should make those comments publically though!

Can't wait to see you sweetheart. Lots of hugs in your direction until I get to see you in person to give them!

Love and hugs!

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Was lovely catching up :)

[linstar.livejournal.com]

Indeed. I loved being able to spend a decent amount of time with you :)

[kaths.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you'd probably wear them on your head or something like that :)

And they're still warm...

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Well, I do like your scent.

There you go, something to try next time I'm over!

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

re: breakdowns

As usual, I find the whole process I'm going through fascinating, and finding all these interesting upsides - like actually being broken enough to ask for lots of physical affection - I've always wanted physical affection from people I like/trust, but been way too self conscious to ask. Now it's like, "Need this just to cope, so ask and if they say no, you know to hold yourself together a bit firmer..."

[mireille21.livejournal.com]

I was waiting for the bit where you were going to sniff his crotch when he appeared. Or mark his room while he's out. :)

I've been taking hugs from anyone within hugging distance recently. A couple of people have mentioned what a strong woman they think I am, to which my response was it was not necessarily out of choice but necessity. However, it did show me how strong I can be, which is a trait that I hope I can pass on.

[ariaflame.livejournal.com]

To a large extent a lot of people I think can be strong and hold it together when it's necessary. Of course when the stress or crisis or whatever goes away and there's nothing you need to be strong for, that's usually the time when it catches up with you and you look for somewhere to curl into a ball and cry.

Or catch a cold. I always get more illnesses after stress period finishes.

[vegetus.livejournal.com]

Well Nevryn and I had the companion animal discussion on many occasions. He would never let me have a dog because he is allergic. But I bet he would let me keep a Danny!

*big gentle hugs* I hope you heal and rest and feel better soon...