The little reminders...

[dalekboy]

I've had a very bad headache since mid-afternoon yesterday. Not a migraine, but bad enough that it makes me wonder if it's about to turn into one. I've taken the usual precautions. Today it has faded somewhat, but not completely, and its constant presence has rendered my skin tender to the touch. I'm not worried about it turning into a migraine now, but I am aware that my next migraine may have consequences. It may not. But given the screaming match I had with someone six months ago left me with a small but noticeable and permanent loss of sensation down the right hand side of my body, and I never even had a headache, I know I need to be wary.

But wary doesn't mean not living life, being afraid to act, it means taking the risks that are worth taking, worth the potential cost. To do less is to live a half life. In the same situation, with the knowledge I have now, I would have the same screaming match again because it needed to happen.

Been ages since I've had a headache this bad, and it's one of the little reminders of why I did my birthday trip, of why it's so important to tell people they're important to me. Because you never know when things will go pear-shaped and doing these things may no longer be an option.

There's always reasons not to do stuff - no time, no money, I'll do it later. There's always reasons not to tell people things - not brave enough yet, scared of rejection, I'm sure they know - and we always act like we have all the time in the world. But that's not always the case. Life is delicate and fragile, and it's only a sandwich away from choking, a drunk driver away from being hit, an electrical short away from being burnt, an unexpected blood clot away from mental or physical oblivion. Doesn't matter how fit and healthy you are, what holds us here and connects us to this plain of existence is a gossamer thread, and there are so many things for it to snag on.

Which all sounds so morose and fatalistic, when what I'm really saying is, make the most of it! Think about the things you want to do and rather than waiting until later, at least start planning them. Don't be afraid to love and be loved, even if it's not mutual, so long as neither person is a stalker, it's cool. Don't be afraid to tell the people who mean something to you exactly how you feel because, and trust me on this, now and again you wake up and that person no longer exists in a form where they can hear it.

So what's wrong with now? Right now? Plan that trip you've always wanted. Go for a walk, rather than putting it off until later. What's stopping you from emailing or calling or going to someone who matters? Pride? Fear? Embarrassment? Piffle! Those are transitory, and the regret of action is never as deeply hurtful and scarring as the regret of inaction when it's become too late to act.

All the worst regrets I have from life stem from inaction. Oh I've done things badly or wrong, made poor decisions I regret, but they don't stay with me the way the others do. The times I haven't acted stain my soul so much deeper than anything else.

I'm lucky, I now have something that keeps me aware that I need to act on things, because I'm only one bad headache and some poor fortune from not being able to.

It's a good place to be :)

But I hope some of you can reach it voluntarily. Much nicer that way *grin*

Comments

[gutter-monkey.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm a terrible procrastinator. There's so many schemes and plans and cool things which I've dreamed up and then abandoned halfway.

But last night I dressed up as Voltron and had a massive fight with conquistadors and R2D2 and an ape and Spongebob SquarePants in a lawn bowls club, so I'm not doing too badly in the "Get out there and do something cool" stakes. :D

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Dude, you have more memories of insane schemes you've embarked on in the last five years than most people do in their entire lives... Keep up the good work!

[mynxii.livejournal.com]

This was really well said :)

*love*

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Ta. I know I repeat myself on this subject, but you know, there are so many people I know still making excuses to keep themselves from taking control of their lives that I reckon it's worth repeating.

[mynxii.livejournal.com]

I wholeheartedly agree :)

[stephiepenguin.livejournal.com]

I know so many people who are always talking about the things they want to do, the things they wish they could do. Particularly where I work, there are so many people like that there. I always ask, what is stopping you? and so often they just make excuses, oh it costs too much or, oh i have no time or, i am not good enough, and it makes me so sad.

Sometimes I don't say the things that I want to say, and I know it is because I am afraid that nobody will answer me.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

And the problem is, if you don't say those things at all, there's not the slightest chance of ever getting the answer. But you already know that, you're a smart cookie.

Once you take that first step, it's not so hard to take the second, and then the third. Getting the answer is less important than giving yourself permission to say what you need to. It's a hard lesson to learn, but a very rewarding one.

If you ever feel that saying things in my general direction would be helpful, or even if you don't and just feel like it, feel free to email.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Just realised, I said 'the' answer in that reply, what I meant was 'an' answer.

[mireille21.livejournal.com]

Time is my only enemy. I lawyas try to make every action count, but even with how active I get at times there are still people I should call, visit, etc. This year we lost one friend suddenly to a brain aneurysm, another to MND, and just on Friday someone to a sudden and unexpected heart attack at the age of 29! Anyone younger than is *way* to young to die. So many people, places, things and so little *time*, but I'll keep on trying - and keep on acknowledging myself for what I *do* don't, rather than what I don't, because I think that can be an obstacle for people too.

[kaths.livejournal.com]

Time is my enemy too, mainly because my back problems means I have to pace myself so much. If only I could sing in a choir, play in another orchestra, go to all the events I'd like to go to, spend time with old and new friends... instead I have to portion myself out. I feel like I've been robbed about 5 years of my life as I'm operating at about 50% capacity, and even less before my back op.

Thank goodness for computers the internet, it allows me to work and also keep in contact a lot more than I otherwise could. Although it does also needlessly suck up a lot of time too :)

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

I try to catch up with a few people each trip. The most recent trip didn't work out as planned, but it was still good.

What I have started doing is each trip make time to spend with someone I haven't spent time with for a while, or at all. So spent the evening with someone where we knew each other, but hadn't ever really chatted. I thought one or both of us would enjoy each other's company, and I was right.

Of course it means I have someone else I want to try to catch up with, but on the plus side, I have someone else I want to try to catch up with *grin*

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Yep, and it's quality of what you do, not quantity.

[satyapriya.livejournal.com]

All right, I'll take the risk. This is SatyaPriya aka Helen Patrice who used to be Helen Sargeant. I'll take the chance that you don't want to know me. If so, fine. But if you do want to know me - hello from the past.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Why wouldn't I want to know you, you big silly?

And I'd already figured out who you were, and have been enjoying the adventures of TeenBoy and TeenGirl :)

[satyapriya.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you want to know me, and I'm glad you're enjoying TG and TB. There are times I'm certainly not. I think I'm cut out to be a childless hermit.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

As a childless semi-hermit, it's over-rated :)

[tillianion.livejournal.com]

This is so fitting in with how I'm feeling at the moment. Life's too short to do something that makes your miserable - take a chance. The worst thing that can happen is you learn you shouldn't do that again :)

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Yep! Spoken like a true con chair *grin*

[tillianion.livejournal.com]

I wasn't actually referring to the con but... you're right :)

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

hehe.

After every con, I say never again. Then time meanders by and I start looking at cons and going, "Why aren't they doing this, or that? Bah, I'll do it myself!"

[tillianion.livejournal.com]

Well, say hello to the programmer for Conflux 5 :) Can't help myself

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

Plan that trip you've always wanted

*waves again from Japan*

This trip is pretty much a `last hurrah` for holidays that won`t be work related or Swancon.

It seems once the mortage and the kids start creeping in, the first thing to go are `proper` holidays (ie, trips where one can travel a long long way and see what you want, as opposed to 2 nights in a dirt cheap caravan park 2 hours from home). My parents have only been able to afford to go on a proper holiday once a decade...