100 Days of Love and Hate - Day 70

[dalekboy]

Yes, it's been a while, sorry about that. Two major contributing factors - one is that I foolishly left a lot of difficult subjects for the final 30. Not all of them are, but many require a fair bit of work. That wouldn't be so bad, but the other reason is that with recent events I simply don't always have the mental energy required to open myself up in this way and write about my thoughts and feelings. But be patient and I'll get there. One of the strengths of 100 Days is the required balance of talking about something I hate and something I love. Anyone can bitch and moan day after day, that's easy - counting your loves is far more rewarding and enjoyable for others to read, but much, much harder to write.


Nudity

I've recently been introduced to the concept of skinship. If you look it up you'll find a bunch of different definitions - mothers with babies, friends or work colleges bathing together, various types of touching, etc. - but the base tone is the same. Increasing the levels of intimacy by being around one another in a state of undress. This is a mindset I get, it's one I've subscribed to for a large portion of my life.

I remember when I was a kid, I used to sleep in pyjamas. I was expected to wear them. At some point around the age of eight or nine, I started stripping off my pjs once I was in bed. I remember what I think is the first time I did it. It felt like the most delicious freedom. I didn't feel like I was doing something forbidden or bad, just new. After that I'd hop into bed, take off my pjs, then put them on again in the morning when it was time to get up.

Now I wouldn't actually call myself a nudist as such. I'm not entirely sure why, as I have attitudes that I think would probably be attributable to the nudist mindset. In my normal day to day life, my preference would be towards being at least partially naked much of the time - I often like to wander about without trousers on, but like a shirt for the handy pockets - I find it comfortable. I like the sun on my skin, the air on my body, I like not feeling constrained.

I don't have a great body. I don't have an awful body. It's just a body. I don't have a particular desire to show it off because I don't see it as anything special, but I'm not worried about people seeing it either, unless it's something that they will find upsetting or offensive. Having had so many female friends, I don't fall into the mindset that so many men desperately fall into, that of 'if she sees my penis, she'll want to sleep with me.'

I've heard from and talked with women about their reactions to the 'surprise nude' guy. They usually range from amusement, eye-rolling, to feeling that the guy is a bit of a desperate and clueless loser - they rarely find it an immediate turn-on, and if they do it's usually because the guy already had their interest anyway. It can actually be a turn-off to someone who was interested. Since I don't tend to think anyone will be interested either way, I don't care if they see or not.

Oh, for the two women who have told me they actively like my naked body, I'm happy to show it off from time to time. It's really nice to be appreciated, to have a couple of people who say they like seeing me undressed, enjoy naked pics of me, like looking at my bum or willy, etc. but any other time I'm naked it's about freedom, silliness, or art.

I've also had some nice compliments on my body from a few folks in regards to a couple of the Lake Ballard shots, which was nice.

I like seeing people naked. Sure there are people I would prefer not to see naked, just as there are people I'd rather not see in certain outfits, and others I'd rather not see at all, but overall I like it. The enthusiasm I have for people extends to their bodies for a number a reasons.

With some, it's because they look nice, they just have forms that appeal to certain aesthetics that I like or admire. The human body is the most amazing collection of shapes, forms, skin textures and colours. I love seeing small marks, freckles, and scars, love watching the way light and shadow will play over a person's shape.

For others, it is because I don't half fancy them, and so it's nice to at least get to see what they look like. I rarely think of nudity as a prelude to seduction or a way to get things moving in a more sexual direction. I figure that ground work has been laid previously by other interactions if it's to happen - a look, a scent, the joy of each others company - is far more potent an aphrodisiac than a bit of skin, though that has its place too, of course.

But the thing I love most about seeing other folks naked is that it means that certain barriers have been dropped, there is a particular level of comfort, an openness. It may not always be immediate or completely relaxed, there may be worries about how one is perceived physically, or that maybe things will move in directions that are not wished for, but overall it often means that some limitations of interaction have been removed.

One of the truths I have found fairly consistantly over the years is that as the layers of clothing are discarded, so too are many inhibitions. People start to talk a lot more openly and freely about things. Their lives, their pains and shames, their hopes and desires. After late nights, and close physical contact, the next most common thing that leads people to talk about the hidden things is nudity. Alcohol does the job too, but it's an artificial relaxation, one that a person may be more likely to regret later.

It's as if, once the common barriers of clothing are removed, most of the others vanish too. Some folks develop an innocent playfulness, one that I often find very appealing. Others become more physical, and can show a cheeky or relaxed sensuality/sexuality, rather than a lustful one. Though strong desire too can be present, in varying amounts. It's amazing how many who have done the naked thing for the first time often express surprise at how relaxed they feel, lounging around nude and talking.

I take that feeling as a given.

I've gotten nude with plenty of friends over my life, though far fewer in the last seven or eight years, than in the time prior to that. It happened for various reasons and in various ways. I had one friend who I used to go away with for the occasional weekend. We enjoyed each other's company, but nothing sexual ever happened between us. We'd usually stay at hotels and on the first night it was a few drinks, and a game of strip poker, all by candlelight. It was the way she gained permission of herself to relax and really open up. We'd stay naked most of the weekend, cuddle in bed, massage each other, and talk, talk, talk.

I did body make-up on a regular basis with another friend of mine - we'd work on each other for hours. I loved doing body make-up, coming up with ideas and designs to try out. I lacked a decent camera back then, so very few of what we worked on has been recorded, and what was are all very grainy pictures.

And I've been to nude beaches more than a couple of times. I like the attitude there. Yep, people check each other out, but you will see all shapes, sizes and colours - it's the great equaliser. It's also handy for temporarily erasing the physically perfect stereotypes that we're bombarded with day after day by the media. You know that you're not perfect, but you get to see that neither is anyone else. I remember at Sunnyside, there was one particular guy who seemed to always be there. He was huge, easily 250kg, and none of it registered after the first glance. He was just another body enjoying the sun.

Naturally, I also like nude photography. The human body can be powerful, sensual, funny, beautiful, abstract, arousing, fragile... And as you shift it through environments and lighting and shapes, it's a great constently changing landscape to play with. I've had a few people (ok, all of them guys) complain that they would like to see someone naked in my photos other than myself. And I would love to be shooting someone else, male or female! It would make it so much easier! Do you know how hard it is to get the camera set-up, then run across a salt lake, pose next to the metal statue in just the right position, all in the ten seconds before the timer goes off? If it wasn't for imagination and my quite good proprioception, I'd be stuffed!

While even I can recognise that some of the pictures I took at Lake Ballard turned out well, I still tend to think that if I'd been working with someone with a nicer body, they would have turned out better, if for no other reason than I could have taken a bit more time to set up the shots. Of course I'd also need someone willing to wander a hot salt lake for five hours for my art.

I do actually have someone who lets me photograph them naked, and when I put up my wallpaper pics of nudes, you'll see a couple of those shots (she's already given her permission, naturally). I have a second friend who is considering modelling for me. Whether she will, time will tell.

I have a wishlist of guys and girls I'd love to photograph clothed, and a few I'd like to capture naked. For some it's because they have nice or interesting bodies. For others it's the way they move and carry themselves, their animation I wish to capture. For a few it's simply who they are, trying to show something I can see within them. And then there are those who so astound me with their looks, how could I not want to photograph and preserve what I see? Not all of them are slender either, some have a fair bit of weight on, but carry it beautifully.

In amongst all this I have to say, I'm not fond of the people who flaunt their nudity. There's a huge difference between the person who is naked because they are comfortable, and the person who is naked to show off or shock. I don't generally enjoy being around those that are trying so hard, I find it off-putting and tiresome. 'Yes, you're naked, and you're not content with just letting people's eyes drift in your direction as suits them, you actively want them to look.' Yuck. Now that may sound funny coming from me, whose bare arse you've seen many times on this very LJ, but it's an attitude thing. I get naked for fun, silliness, openness, art, joy, freedom - I don't generally get naked to provoke an offended or sexual reaction.

When Hespa and I did the Nullarbor trip, I danced naked on the Nullarbor because I was so very happy and relaxed, not in the hopes of getting a reaction from her. And I wouldn't have done it if it had been something she would be uncomfortable with. We took photos because I think a pale, pudgey guy dancing naked with a walking stick is deliciously silly - especially if he's in mid-air! Some of those shots became my "Woohoo" icon, which I rather like.

When I'm happy, relaxed and comfortable, I like being undressed. It's a pure expression of joy and delight. I finally realised this consciously on my birthday trip. I noticed it because it was lacking. I couldn't even sleep naked for most of the trip, because emotionally I was so uncomfortable and unhappy that I couldn't bear to be fully unclothed. Even now I'm back home, I'm still having that issue - there's still a lot of damage to repair. I'll get there, healing just takes time :)

On Facebook, Tiki showed she knows me probably the best of anyone, by voting that I was "Most Likely to dance naked in wild places with sheer uninhibited joy."

That is as accurate a summation of me as you'll ever find.






Comfort Zones

Comfort zones can be good things. They can be places of safety when the world is harsh and scary. They can be a mental place, an action, or physical place.

I assume that everyone has some sort of comfort zone. One of mine, that I've talked about on here a few times, is that when asked what I do for a living, I always start by saying, "I used to be a drover," which usually leads the conversation down that path for at least a few moments while I deal with my usual shyness and poor self image (this person doesn't really want to talk to you, etc.).

I have other comfort zones in various forms. A physical one is Eucla, and most recently the camping spot near Norseman, though it remains to be seen whether or not the latter is to be a constant or not. My car itself is also a comfort zone. While I enjoy masturbation as a recreational pass-time and sexual outlet, it can during times of high stress become a way to numb emotional pain with the distractions of pleasure. Reading doesn't work so well any more because of my inability to concentrate. Films and TV work but rarely in the normal way, because I find myself deconstructing what does and doesn't work about the production, the acting, the sets, and of course the script. My "I'll be right," attitude is in some ways a comfort zone, a mindset that allows me to deal, in the short term, with difficulties.

These various things work well for me. The thing to watch is when they work too well. They can also become prisons so very very easily. I've seen it happen with myself, and I watch it happen with other folks on a regular basis.

Using personal examples for the moment, the "I'll be right" attitude is one. It's a safe place, an easy place, because I do truly believe I'm going to be okay. As most of the regular readers know, life throws things at me and (recent times excepted) I often find the good or funny side of it. That's just me. But where the IBR mindset becomes a trap and a problem, rather than a safe place added to my usual good humour and positive outlook, is when it's working with my poor self image and me not wanting to be a nuisance. I will default to IBR, rather than ask for help when I need it, even from people I trust, who I know wish to help me in whatever way they are able.

And the big problem comes when, because I am so very comfy within that mindset, I don't realise how badly I need help at all.

The breakdown has done wonders for undoing that, and it's been a good thing. I'm still pretty positive and happy in many ways, but I am also an emotional wreck. And I've had to come to terms with the fact that this is, without doubt, the most damaged I have ever been. And it's definitely a good time to ask for help when I feel I need it. I still tend to hold off longer than I should, except with certain fairly specific folks, but I am at least asking now.

It pushes me well outside my comfort zones to do it. I still hate asking, feel awkward doing it, feel like a nuisance, but I push myself because it's what I really need to do. The alternative is to keep myself in a mental/emotional place that exhausts and upsets me. What possible good is that to anyone, especially me? Plus, my friends don't want me there any more than I want to be there. So I ask for places to stay, ask people to make decisions for me, to read menus to me, to hold me for a while. In almost every case I feel awkward as hell, but it's teaching me that I can ask for things, and that other people are as ready to do for me the sorts of things I'd happily do for them.

Comfort zones can work well as a prison because one becomes convinced that, no matter how uncomfortable and bad their situation, the alternative is worse or too hard. And so they don't do the things they really need to do, because their own misery has become the comfort zone, the easy thing to do.

God, how many times have I seen people in crap, soul-destroying jobs that they sat in year after year because it had become the easy option? They hate their job. They hate the workplace, most if not all of their workmates, hate the way they are treated, hate the way they are expected to do the job, hate the person the job has made them become, and hate that they can't get out of it. NO job is perfect, you'll have good and bad days and weeks. But if you wake up most mornings dreading going to work, that is bad. Really bad. Because you spend too much of your time at work and dealing with the side effects of being in your job, to detest it so utterly.

Yes, I get it, you have commitments. You have a mortgage, bills, etc. You're worried you may not find another job, or will have to take a pay cut. You may not be able to live the life you want if those things happen. That's great, so you're living the life you want now? Is a job that makes you hate getting up in the morning, that drains you and leaves you angry or depressed or hating yourself, is that part of how you want to live your life? Has the prison of misery become the easy option? Have you become so comfortable being in the life you hate, that any action to get out of it gets relegated to the too hard basket?

No job, no paycheck, no lifestyle, is worth your mental, emotional and physical well-being. If you were drowning in quicksand, and the only vine that could save your life appeared to be covered in vicious thorns, would you choose to keep sinking? That's what so many people do every day, keep sinking.

The thing is, sometimes after the initial shock of grabbing the thorns, you find they aren't as bad as they looked, and they are in fact, better than the alternative.

The trap of comfort zones work in other ways, too. Watching telly, reading a book, having a drink, surfing the net, go from being a way to unwind to a way to stay numb. And the numbness becomes more and more comfortable, easier to do. Is that show you obsess about so important to you because it speaks to you, raises your spirits? Or is it just a really good way to keep yourself cut off from the world.

Not all comfort zones rely on inaction. I know of people who have filled their lives with seemingly fabulous things. Awesome projects, a busy social life, travel - their every waking moment is chock full o' stuff that many of the folks sitting on the couch or at the computer envy. But for some of these folks, the trap has become a way to keep their lives so amazingly full of cool stuff, that they don't have to face their problems. And the most common problem I see with these folks is loneliness, even when their lives are filled with people.

I'm not saying that every person that has a busy, or quiet, life is hiding from reality. But there's a word I know of, it doesn't actually exist in the Bumper Danny Oz Dictionary, but I do know of it - it's called "moderation." If you find yourself living in the same way, day after day, week after week, is it because this lifestyle pleases you, or is it because that behaviour has become your way of hiding from the reality of your life? Of avoiding hard decisions, despair, change?

And let's face it, even if that lifestyle is pleasing, isn't it conceivable that there's more to enjoy if you just, once in a while, stretch in a few new directions?

It's interesting, since the stroke one of my safe places, Eucla, has become a way to force me into stretching my comfort zones. I still love my big trips and enjoy them, and I'm never going to stop, but for the moment each trip is really pushing what I'm comfortable doing. Why? Because physically it's so very, very hard. It exhausts me, drains me, and in the back of my mind is the constant niggle that if I get a migraine that won't go away, I have maybe 24 hours to get to hospital. Longer than that and there's the risk of more brain damage.

And if I get a migraine that's that bad, am I going to be physically able to get myself to a town that's big enough to have a hospital, or at least to some place where I can call in the flying doc? On the rare occasions when I wake with a headache, or the days where I know I'm not safe to travel, a little part of my mind goes, "Gee, this could be bad." And so I keep an eye on it, and stay aware of which big towns are the closest.

But I'm not going to stop with the trips, in fact if I can get to a point where I'm bringing in decent cash, I want to do more and longer trips, to more remote places. Because it's only by stretching the comfort zone, by pushing myself out of the comparative safety of the cities, that I can find the people, things and places that bring me so much joy. I can't have one without the other. Oh I could simply make sure someone travels with me every trip, and that's great, there are lots of people I'd love to do the trips with. But I'd rather travel alone, with all that that entails, than share the journey with someone who I don't think I'll get along with. The safety of having another driver isn't worth the price, not to me.

100 Days of Love and Hate stretches my comfort zones on a regular basis (well, when I get them out). I'm putting my opinions, thoughts, and personal life and history up there in open view to be mulled over and judged, sometimes by complete strangers. When someone off my friends list tells me that they read 100 Days, my first thought is, "Oh God! They know all about my cock! Argh! They know about my eating habits! Fuck! They know I constantly play with my todger!" And often while my mind is reeling and going through my personal list of embarrassment and shame, they're telling me they love it.

It's not easy to be this honest, but it is rewarding, and almost always a struggle.

What I will say in closing is this. The next time you're presented with something that challenges your comfort zones, whether it's something that's suggested to you, or a crazy thought you've just had, give it some proper consideration. Don't just kneejerk and say you can't. Don't just look at all the bad things that could come out of it. Don't just listen to your automatic fear, distrust, or worries.

Instead, look at what you might gain. Because even a small gain is worth some discomfort. And that's the price you have to pay. You can stay safe and numb, or you can live, and that requires risk and change.

If you look at your life, and there's something missing, then it's probably time to do something different with it.

All comments screened, unless they have a 'yes' at the end.

Comments

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I really appreciate the offer, though... who are you again? :)

And thanks for the nice words about my pictures. With the difficulties I'm having writing, it's nice to have another creative outlet.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

It's something of a relief to get one up after all this time. I've been working on this particular post for over a month! Most I do in a single session, this I had it down several weeks ago but I really wasn't happy with it. Still not.

Don't know why, both are things I'm passionate about, but I just couldn't find the words or the phrasing that at least let me say "That'll do."

[nephron.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this about comfort zones. I've just found one, but it's time to move on and find something more fulfilling... I just need the energy and motivation.

Yes.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Finding the energy and motivation is one of the biggest parts of the battle. Good luck, my dear! I hope it goes well.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

*blush* Thank you :)

The news takes me firmly outside my comfort zones. I'm too empathic and compassionate to watch story after story that concentrates on human misery, greed and paranoia. So in that case, for me, ignorance is bliss :) But I make a truck of looking in every six or so months. By sheer dumb luck, I watched S11 live, normally the TV wouldn't even have been on.

I've quit jobs I enjoyed because the way they expected me to treat customers was below my base standards. The first one was the worst, situation-wise. I was renting, had no cash, no other jobs set up, and on my last day my car died badly enough that repairs sucked up all my holiday pay. I struggled for months, I remember being out and walking on a hot day and I couldn't afford money for a drink, things were that tight. And occasionally I regretted quitting for five minutes, and then I'd think about how miserable I was and yes, my life was now hard, but I was still way better off in every other way except money.

Attitude is important. If all you ever talk and think about is the bad shit, pretty soon that's all there is in your life. You even start to take the good things and find the bad side.

Fab reply. And I have to ask, do I actually know you? I can't tell from your picture and it's driving me nuts! If we haven't spoken, I think we should! And if we have spoken, I think we should do more :)

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Yep, I'm much the same, I can forgive most people, though some take longer than others :) And yes, we all moan and bitch, sometimes it's how you cope with the people you love most. But if all you do is complain, then there's a problem.

I often like your replies, I just don't get around to saying so *grin*
You look vaguely familiar in the picture, which is probably why it's been bothering me, but if I haven't seen you for while, that would explain it. Names pre-stroke aren't much help, oddly enough :)
Would love to talk! Maybe next time I'm in town, we can try for lunch or some such?

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Ahhh... the clouds have opened! Vague memories come seeping back slowly :)

Okay, well assuming you got my email addy ok, we'll be able to communicate in general and figure out details when we're next in the same town to do the lunch thang.

There's a couple of folks I need to do that with actually, none in my (new) hometown!

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

He so rocks :)

As do you for realising he was right and it had become a trap.

[ghoath.livejournal.com]

good to see you posting a 100 days again.
I don't care if they're not "right" or complete, as long as they're you and honest.
We all seem to be scared to write honestly about ourselves on LJ these days, I really admire you for being so raw and honest.

yes

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Thank you *blush*

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Yep, skin to skin is lovely. And there are people that I'd love to snuggle up with like that, but never would, in the same way there are people I would love to travel with, but never would. What you want, and what works for you, are two different things sometimes.

Comfort zones have their place, they are definitely needed and you occasionally need a lot of time in them to get back to a working state. It's when leaving them becomes less and less of an option, that's when they've become destructive rather than constructive.

[meljane.livejournal.com]

I was starting to miss not seeing your 100 days , glad you've gotten back to writing them again and I really enjoyed both of them today .

I'll comment more when I have time to write more .

Don't mind if you screen or not *hugs*

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Then I'll unscreen so you may be exposed to the world!

*hugs*

[strangedave.livejournal.com]

I have a lot of the same feelings about nudity. I prefer to be naked when sleeping, enjoy nude swimming, I find it relaxing to be naked or nearly so, and to be around others who are (hurray for Burning Man), I like being naked with friends, sometimes it has spiritual significance. I organised the Unisfa Annual Skinny-dipping expedition for years (I need to see if I can find someone younger and more in touch with the current membership to take over).

I'm probably more into nudity leading to sexual situations, by the sounds of it, but I value purely sensual nudity a great deal too.

On thing I'd add is that even purely sensual nudity is something I find really attractive because it indicates confidence and being comfortable with yourself.

I have to say, though, I don't really have a problem with people who do flaunt themselves a bit. I wouldn't do it myself, but it doesn't bother me when others do, especially if its a bit playful as well. Though I mostly agree on nudity to shock, especially as it doesn't shock me, or that many other people I know -- its sort of got underlying assumptions about the 'wrongness' of nudity that are the opposite of being comfortable with it.

yes

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Oh I love nudity to lead to sexual situations, because for me that's just another way to deepen the connection to someone I like, to show them love and appreciation. It's a chance to give myself to them and show them a side that few get to see.

But, the problem for me is that so many people automatically link the two - so the nudity must equal sex. And once sex enters the equation, then the nudity often becomes just a prelude to it, rather than a separate and enjoyable aspect of sharing and giving.

RE: Flaunting - there's a level. Gently playful and cheeky is wonderful to be around, it's funny and sexy and saucy and cute. But I the people that make it about "Look at what I've got! See here's my bits, you should be interested!" and only care that you're not looking, well that bores me and annoys me. I suppose the difference is, one is using their mind and personality in conjunction with their body, one is just using their body.

And nudity to shock annoys me no end. The reason none of the nudes of myself that have gone up feature full frontal is that I've yet to have a full frontal that worked well enough to be seen. And while sighting my willy is unlikely to shock, to put up a photo or piece of art that clearly features it but has no other merit, is just aiming for a reaction. And I have better things to do with my limited time and energy.

[vegetus.livejournal.com]

It's interesting that you mention the UniSFA skinny-dip, it's one event that I've avoided primarily because I've never felt safe at it.

Not sure if it needs it, but feel free to unscreen this.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

I think it's worth unscreening, because the difference in perception of the same event is interesting.

I don't know why, but this event doesn't remotely interest me, whereas I go to nude beaches, and have been with people I know without any qualms. So it's not that I don't want to go with strangers or that I know people...

Re: story

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

You don't comment often, but when you do I usually love it, like this time. Thank you for sharing that story. It really makes me think at some point we need to make the time to sit and share life tales and experiences.

And thank you for the compliment regarding the last few lines. It's humbling that you think so highly of my words.

I'm very glad I helped to draw you a little way out of your comfort zone :)

Re: story

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Yeah it can be draining, but there are ways to deal with it. At the moment I'm only doing one thing for a weekend. And there are ways to manage it. Just lounging around and chatting will usually take longer to tire me out, but I also enjoy going for a good wander, even if it kills me. It's very much a play by ear.

During the week wouldn't be bad, because if I end up stuffed, it doesn't impact on my weekend with Sharon, though I know people tend to be busy with work and such.

But I'm up for getting together to yak if you are :)

Do have something on this weekend, however.

Re: story

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Actually, once I've heard from Lily on when she's wanting to catch up, I'd be tempted to suggest this weekend. I'm going to need to start pushing myself anyway, to build my stamina for the Kringle work. Plus the next few weekends beyond that are chockers, and then I go on to Santa-ing.

If you want you give me a ring and talk at some point so we can make plans, you can get my details off Lily, or just look up Bastard in the white pages online :)

[leecetheartist.livejournal.com]

Three years of modelling for and drawing life drawing studies - skin is fun - textural, sensual, the shadows of the muscle and the bone underneath, the truths beneath the surface, pencil, pen and charcoal, clay and wax - fingers trying to shape what the eye sees and what the brain knows is there.

Must be interesting with the photography, mmmmm black and white.

Nice post, dalekboy, btw, thanks, you can unscreen this.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

I like black and white a lot, but I think that people sometimes believe that only B&W is art. Given the colours and hues you can get from skin tones in different lighting conditions, I think it's down to the individual picture what works as a piece of art.

That said, it'd be interesting to play with a couple of my Lake Ballard pics and see how they look in B&W.

[ariaflame.livejournal.com]

It's very easy, when you've been hurt, to crawl into your comfort zones, tuck them around you and try to pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. And for a short while they can help you by giving you a safe place to heal. But I think you're right about them becoming traps. There's a lot of things I haven't tried because I've been scared of what might happen, because they were outside my comfort zone. However, partly perhaps because I've gotten older and wiser ;) or because my stubborn nature has overcome my fears, I've been trying more things that I was too scared to before. I won't say that they've all turned out brilliantly, and there's at least one that's causing me a little stress right now, but others have brought more happiness and excitement into my life than I would have thought possible before.

It is still a struggle to get past the fear. But now at least I'm trying to make the attempt. (With just occasional dips into my comfort zones to give me the strength to try again).

yes

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

The problem with fear is that the longer it holds you in its grip, the easier it is to be held. The comfort zones are incredibly important as a source of relaxation, safety, or rejuvenation, but therein lies their addictive quality.

From what I've seen, you're doing a fair job of pushing your boundaries. And in doing so sometimes whole new worlds will open before you, sometimes you'll need to fall back and regroup before you try again, and sometimes the things you try will fail.

It's the attempt that is important, not the success.

[vegetus.livejournal.com]

Some very interesting thoughts here, thank you for sharing, I do enjoy reading the 100 days :)

I'm comfortable with minimal clothing, the idea of running around the house in underpants and a singlet is very appealing to me (especially in this heat!), however I very rarely feel comfortable being nude with other people, unless I've been sexually involved with them for ages (so less than half a dozen or so people in my life). Particularly in circles where nudity is acceptable, but I've also been approached/hit on by a number of people, I'm extra uncomfortable.

Unless of course there is a professional split (so stripping, life art, photography etc) then I'm perfectly ok with it. Which I'm sure seems odd to alot of people.

I've seen so many people stay in miserable situations because they are comfortable. I've walked away from people who are too stuck in their comfort zones- I need challenges. Though I agree lack of commitment, running all over the planet and never being stable is a comfort zone unto itself, one of which I'm probably guilty. But if you enjoy your comfort zone and it isn't making you miserable then is it really a bad thing?

Yes, let everyone else read my ramblings!

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

I often like to go bottomless rather than topless, no idea why that feels more comfy, but it does. Maybe it's related to the way I don't like my chest touched unless it's by people I'm comfy with, while anyone can touch my crotch. Lovers, good friends, hobos...

No, the nudity for art/professional reasons makes perfect sense. There's been a couple of people who have replied that have been life models for a start.

As for the comfort zone of travelling, as long as you can face your issues when they come up, rather than running away, you're doing ok.

[mireille21.livejournal.com]

I'm always moving outside my comfort zone. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance! Soemtimes you have to employ a plan for change when you realise that's what you want, but I think that's something people fail to do as well, because it's perceived as too hard. I've twice up stumps and moved cities without a place to live or job to go to. I don't quite live by the seat of my pants that much anymore. Some of my work colleagues frustrate the heck out of me for those kind of reasons.

I'm also a touch agoraphobic, which makes crowds a challenge and holidays in strange places (especially on my own) downright scary at times, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I've usually done pretty OK. Then there are times when comfort zones can be really good, such as today when I just really needed a day at home with the cat.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Well, you've said in the past to assume that's you're happy for replies to be unscreened, so doing that with this one. It's a fab reply, too :)