26 awful euphemisms

[dalekboy]

I don't know that these are legit, but given some of the stuff I've read over the years in supposedly serious fiction, it wouldn't surprise me...


A list which compiles 13 awful euphemisms taken from actual romance manuscripts....

Hers

1. aching oozing entrance
2. clutching coming cavern
3. cum hole
4. inflamed seeping tunnel
5. pleading pouting gate of her vagina
6. pulse-pounding swamp of love and cum
7. ultrasensitive cum-covered bud
8. southernmost slippery lips
9. soaking, smothering cave
10. drenched hair-topped cavern
11. bloated pulsing bud
12. constricted, battered hole
13. contracting crease

His

1. buffeting brick-of-a-bat
2. engorged cylindrical monster
3. near-spurting spear
4. object of her oral affection
5. spherical head with its narrow semen-spitting slit
6. thick, long rope of granite
7. torturous tube
8. one-eyed purple-headed yogurt slinger
9. white marble battering ram
10. ready-to-pop pole
11. pointy protrusion
12. bulbous buffeting baton
13. albino boa constrictor

Comments

[satyapriya.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm all inspired to write the sex scene of my nanowrimo novel now. Hold me back. "White marble battering ram" - whew!
Many of the female euphemisms sound like the woman has a disease.

[delicious-irony.livejournal.com]

Ayyep.

Any, if not all of these, I can see being taken in for medical attention.

"Doctor, help me! My penis has turned into a melanin-challenged reptile and my pants no longer fit! Not to mention that my wife can no longer cross her legs and we have to take the mop everywhere..."

*facepalm*