Tribes

[dalekboy]

It's taken me years to realise that while I can walk into most tribes and are welcomed there, and that while I in fact move between various tribes with ease, I have no tribe I belong to.

I have never really claimed any single tribe as my own, though I have at times tried. But I have ended up with various friends, comrades, elders, witches, loves, and at least one fellow traveller & warrior that I can call on when in need, scattered through out the lands.

Sometimes this makes me sad, and other times it gives me strength - I have friends in many tribes and there are ways in which I quite like my nomadic state - it gives me perspective.

Hearing the different stories & secrets, occasionally seeing the things people have in common though they fail to realise or admit it, finding where the lines of communication have broken down, watching for the old mistakes, or discovering that the new problems stem from an old source, misconception, or a single person.

I can see the ways in which I may start my own tribe, it would be as easy as it is tempting, but it's not for me. It's almost happened once or twice, but I want to see the tribes moving in the right direction more than I want power, to keep them safe from the stupidity and short-sightedness of some would-be kings and queens, and then go on my way.

I'm the strange wandering hermit who comes down from the mountains, talks to people, offers advice, tells stories, and wanders off again. I enjoy the company of royalty and beggars equally, so long as neither are fools. I crave being loved and valued by all - I prize and appreciate that love when I find it - but to claim any single tribe as my own in order to attain it is to cripple my ability to move between people. As I am I don't need to conform to the standards of any one group or culture, I'm free to be myself, and I prize that freedom even above the protection and comfort of having a tribe that I belong to.

I am a tribe of one.

It would be a lonely place but for the handful of individuals who I allow to really know me, who I am free to show my weaknesses to, as well as my strengths - they visit me on those terms, wanting no more, but expecting no less than who I truly am. They aren't my tribe, they are my wanderers, who bless my life with their gifts of stories, advice, and love. And as much as I want them to stay with me, I try to let them go when their needs call them, hard as it is to say goodbye.

I hope you have found your tribe, or at least found some peace without one.

Comments

[nevryn.livejournal.com]

Somehow, you've managed to write down a lot of the stuff that's been going through my head the last couple of days.

I've been feeling I'm not belonging anywhere particularly well lately.

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

it certainlly describes how I felt in uni... not sure about now, though I have really thought about it.

[king-espresso.livejournal.com]

For me, fandom has been a kind of tribe. Admittedly for a lot of the time I was the bastard cousin with no social skills, but it has been my community.

[kaths.livejournal.com]

Beautiful post.

I belonged to a tribe during my first uni degree, which was really my social awakening, as I didn't socialise much at school, being a shy, studious, involved in organised activites type of person.

Then I was tribeless and drifting when I started my second degree, until I discovered fandom and found a huge tribe with lots of subtribes I was welcomed into with open arms.

Then I was restricted due to health, and more recently work has taken up my time. And people tend to drift a bit more as they get older I think, especially when smaller tribes form based around youg families.

My music groups are each a loose tribe I suppose, although usually there's just a few people from them who become good friends.

I don't see why your 'wanderers' can't be called a tribe, just a different sort of one.

[tikiwanderer.livejournal.com]

I think there's a difference between sharing an understanding of the road or of what it is to be tribeless/of all tribes, and being of the same tribe. There's belonging to a tribe, and there's belonging to the road. The other people who also belong to the road are... not the same as tribe. Even though you each kind of understand.

Danny's opinion may vary markedly on this -smile-.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

No, more or less the same.

It's a bit like hobos leaving signs around town for each other. They all spoke the same secret language, but that came from their situation, i.e. they chose, or were forced, to take to the road, and adapted ways to survive, live the lifestyle, and help each other.

It'd be like saying everyone who reads and speaks English is in the same tribe. It's broadly true but to the actual people - bogan, businessman, teenager, grandparent, Liberal voter, Labour voter - it's actually very different.

I suspect this is all one of the big reasons connecting deeply with people is important to me. I don't have a tribe I trust to automatically be on the same wavelength.

[tikiwanderer.livejournal.com]

That came up well as an icon! Gorgeous face, you have.

[kaths.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I will have to do some pondering!

[saizai.livejournal.com]

*nod*

[tikiwanderer.livejournal.com]

-smile- Hail and well met, friend.

[gutter-monkey.livejournal.com]

I've never had a tribe. Not even my own family. :(

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

But you do have people who love you for who you are, lots of folks don't have a tribe or the love.

Mind you, it's sometimes hard to spot and love doesn't always fill the gap left by a lack of tribe, regardless.

[gutter-monkey.livejournal.com]

If the love is wanting to fill my gap I think it read the signals wrong.

LOL

[gutter-monkey.livejournal.com]

Not that there's anything wrong with that ...

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

You know you want it, bitch.

[(Anonymous)]

Well I hope the tribes recognise you for best fan writer this year. Your work is amazing for 100 days and clever for skeletor. Alan.

[ariaflame.livejournal.com]

How do you know if you have a tribe? How do you identify them? I've got different groups of people I have different things in common with, but I'm not sure that I have a group that I really feel that I totally belong with. I don't know if it's childhood conditioning but I don't think I ever have a feeling that I really belong somewhere. Fandom's the closest I've gotten.

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

*nodsnods* and there is the little 'subgroups' in the fandom, especially friendship groups, and I seem to be on the edges of a lot of them. It does feel quite hard to 'break into' some of the inner groups, especially if they're well established.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

I think it comes down to the individual and their perceptions. Footy fans are a tribe when they are at a game together, but not all of them continue that tribal relationship away from the game.

A tribe is usually a group where you share the same goals, look after one another within the group, and protect one another from outsiders. It's less about friendship, popularity, status, and more about common ground.

My personal common ground is entirely uncommon. Too much drover to be the fan I always thought I was, too much fan to be a bush boy, too much of a bunch of other things on top of all that.

[davidcook.livejournal.com]

(gah, LJ ate my comment)

I know this feeling quite well. I did have the tribe feeling at one point, with a bunch of friends from Uni, but then we started going our separate ways, and then I moved to Melbourne and started over again. And then we moved to Scotland and started over again again. And at some point we'll move back to Oz (Adelaide or Melbourne (or Canberra ? :-) ) ), and no doubt, flit between fencers, and Fen, and jugglers, and others, all over again.