Cause Education

[dalekboy]

This post has been brewing for a couple of years. It's not about any one of the many causes worth fighting for, it's not about or aimed at any one person, it hasn't been spurred on by any one event.

Abuse and accusations are not how you win people over to your way of thinking. Keeping your allies on the back-foot because you think they should know better does not help teach them how to better understand or present your side of an argument.

It's with good reason that there's only a handful of people I listen to when they talk about issues. They have earned my respect on the subjects, not just because of their knowledge, but the way they deal with the people they interact with.

Time and again I have heard some folks say that a person shouldn't be rewarded just for doing the right thing. It shouldn't be praiseworthy that you're doing what everyone should already be doing anyway.

I would agree with this, except for one major problem - that same person will often be actively punished the moment they take a wrong step. And if they make a point of saying, "But how about all these occasions where I've done it correctly?" they get abused for expecting praise for doing the right thing.

If someone offers you a drink because you're thirsty, do you not thank them? If someone offers you food, shelter, a hand carrying something heavy, just because it's the right thing to do, should they not be thanked? How is acknowledging someone who does the right thing a negative act?

"Well, when I do this stuff, no-one ever acknowledges it," isn't a reason, it's an excuse to indulge in equally poor behaviour. "Well when I do these things, I don't expect to get thanked." Well that's great, but chances are you're not being taught these things, either. You don't necessarily need the encouragement or support, don't need the affirmation that on this delicate issue, you're doing the right thing.

Acknowledging the ones who do it right helps to show them they're on the right track, and for those who don't understand the issues it's a pointer in the right direction. And that is a vital first step to changing minds - letting people see the behaviour that is valued and considered desirable.

If you saw someone teaching children, and they abused all those who didn't understand the subject, ignored the ones who did it right, and then attacked and belittled the good ones every time they made a mistake, would you think that person was doing a good job of teaching? At an almost instinctive level you would know that this is the wrong way to teach, that for every child successfully taught this way, there would be numerous ones where it was an abject failure.

Most people would rather avoid being taught the subject altogether, than cop the abuse.

Any cause you champion, puts you in the role of teacher. You're tying to undo social conditioning and thought processes that have probably been ingrained since childhood. You're trying to teach a point of view that is often alien to the student. Even if they think they understand the problem, they probably don't get most of the nuances and subtleties no matter how much they try, and many will be painfully aware of this.

You're not going to achieve your goals through impatience.

I'm not saying you can't be frustrated. I'm not saying you can't question what they meant in order to ascertain whether they were doing the wrong thing, or misspoke, or are merely confused and need a gentle nudge in the right direction. I'm not saying you can't get stuck into someone who is an arrogant bastard. But pick your battles, pick who deserves to be yelled at and who deserves a quiet, "Um, I think you might be mistaken..."

Never assume deliberate belligerence where a lack of knowledge, an honest mistake, a poor turn of phrase, or good old fashioned thoughtlessness could be the real cause of the error.

If you think you're going to fix people's thinking by abusing those who know no better, withholding acknowledgment from the people who do it right, and by aiming cheap shots at the promising students when they make a mistake, then you know as little about humanity as those you wish to educate.

Comments

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be surprised.

It's become one of those things where people are hamstrung by those looking to make someone uncomfortable. It's like the old thing where you tell someone they look nice today and their reply is, "So you don't normally think I look nice."

And if one steps in to say, "No, I'm pretty sure that's not what they meant," then one becomes nothing more than a fresh target.

It is not helpful to anyone.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

I recently read a discouraging account of well-meaning anti-racist workshops which were hamstrung when the women involved attacked each other instead of engaging in dialogue. This was true both for the white women's group and the women of colour's group. These are complex, difficult, painful, personal issues, so it's not surprising there's going to be anger and confusion, but what a waste when the discussions are wrecked by suspicion, judgementalism, and malice.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Which is an accurate representation of what I've seen happening online.

The problem is everyone wants people to be classed as good or bad. There's no grey areas, you're with us or you're against us. And it's all bullshit.

People are people, there are very few purely good or purely bad folks. The vast majority of us are shades of grey, and we have our times of exceptional good and great evil.

But no, everyone wants to be a good person, and for many of them how good they feel is directly proportional to how much worse than them other people are. So they go hunting for for them, and will magnify any chink in the armour out of all reasonable proportion.

I beg to differ about people

[jocko55.livejournal.com]

Actually I think most people deep down think they are a good guy and that they do good. I don't think they do make great comparisons with other people, because they start from the axiomatic position that they are good and right. The most paranoid bully I worked for acted as though she was always right and correct, even if occasionally she had to adjust reality and inconvenient things like minutes to reflect her obviously correct view. It wasn't about other people at all. Other people couldn't get through to her, so sooner or later we all escaped with more or less damage. I actually felt reality move and shift whilst working there. Yes I was clincally depressed and yes, the tablets the doctor gave me did help. Leaving was a realization a a "We gotta get out here, even if its the last thing we do" dream. Not going to work there was just lovely. Of course I am still not who I was before I worked there...

Re: I beg to differ about people

[ariaflame.livejournal.com]

Sounds like she was a psychopath. Though I'm not educated in the area and am not totally sure of the definition. But the lack of empathy for others is a definite pointer in that direction.

Luckily most people are not psychopaths.

My main problem with giving my opinion on things is that usually I am too good at seeing both sides of an argument. So I don't have hugely strong opinions on most things. And early conditioning has made me less likely to speak up even if I do have a strong opinion on something.

But dalekboy has some good points there. And I should probably remember my feedback/mentoring stuff better and find some good things to say about my students labs.

Re: I beg to differ about people

[fuschia17.livejournal.com]

I worked with a psychopath too. She is in management at my old work place and unfortunately she is of the "I like you" or "I don't like you" variety. Guess which camp I fell into?

I was good at my job, but was hamstrung by management. They didn't like me but couldn't acknowledge my worth. My personality changed and I have been deeply hurt by my experiences there. I won't say that it's A Good Thing, but I am learning how to stand up for myself. That and my last job actually want me back after having had my baby. Do you know how much that tingles?

I'm too scared that I won't say the "right" thing. I'm learning that there isn't a "right" thing it's just what I think. I'm still scared. But meh. Either I listen or I don't.

Re: I beg to differ about people

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

I am learning how to stand up for myself

Good on you. It can be so hard, when some part of you believes the bullies.

Re: I beg to differ about people

[jocko55.livejournal.com]

It is incredibly hard, when part of you has been taught to respect the bully. I am a Library Technician, 32 years working in libraries, which are pyramid like hierachical structures(well the bigger ones like Uni libraries are and repect for higher ups is part of the deal--they are usually better qualified and more experienced and we send the tough questions we cannot answer to them). Even now 7 years later, if someone asks me something contentious I tend to duck and cover ("Do you know where Y has been put?" gets an answer like, Umm, let me think, maybe I saw it ...) and I still wait a little if asked a question on the loans desk for my boss to answer for me--she used to do that, even if they were questions about something I was holding in my hand. Yep Psychopath, they tend to rise up certain management structures, although sometimes other managers know about them and try to move them sideways. I remain proud of the staff survey where the staff at my branch rated moral and zero and forced the next survey to group two other branches with ours. Then there was the time we were nominated for an award for our work on overdues--we won as the most efficent service--having a boss who would ALWAYS enforce rules helped when dealing with borrowers who didn't want to bring back some resources.