The Worst Thing You've Ever Done

[dalekboy]

This piece is not about any one person specifically, it's about the way people are demonised in general.

I want you to think about the worst thing you've ever done. Something, no matter how long ago you did it, that you're still ashamed of. Don't shy away from it, think hard about the nastiest, shittiest, lowest thing you've ever done to someone.

Now, I want you to imagine people in general, and the internet as a vague group, deciding that's the person you really are.

Think about how they would react, how they would treat you, attack you, the things they would write about you - for a single act. It doesn't matter if it was a mistake, deliberate, or if there were extenuating circumstances - they don't care. There's little to no forgiveness out there, almost every time folks talk about you, it will be in relation to whatever it was you did.

How would that make you feel, as the weeks became months and years, and people still brought it up? How would you feel about the fact that no matter what else you did, there would always be someone there ready to bring up that single bad decision and start the whole thing up again? That every other positive act in your entire life would be deemed unimportant or irrelevant compared to this single event.

I'm not saying there should be universal forgiveness. Some people repeatedly do horrid things to others. I'm not saying there shouldn't be a price to pay for a single error, sometimes we have to make amends. But if the only issue you can find with a person is one really bad thing they've done, then doesn't that suggest there may be more to them than that one act?

Remember this the next time the crowd starts baying for someone's blood over a single mistake, especially if you're part of that crowd. Other people are as complex and have as many layers as you do.

You, and I, are not just the worst thing we ever did.

And neither is anyone else.

Comments

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

At the abattoirs I worked with thieves, murderers, and rapists, and some of them were much nicer people than the folks there who hadn't been arrested for a crime.

Hell, I'd still rather hang with those people than some fans I know, who haven't done anything as serious in scale, but seem to fill their lives with lots of small, nasty, spiteful, self-serving acts.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

ETA: Recanting. Sorry Danny, that was insensitive of me.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Molested on a regular basis by the family friend who babysat me from around July to December of 1974. I was 6 when he started.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

Just put up my reply, then saw this.

You didn't know. I have mentioned it on my LJ a couple of times, but I don't dwell on it. He just stopped one day, and never touched me again in all the times and opportunities he had after that.

I have done a lot of reading up on molesters since, and forgave the guy a long time ago. What he did was wrong, but he was obviously troubled. Whatever stressors drove him to it likely ended, otherwise he probably wouldn't have stopped. I'd have preferred he find another way of dealing with it, but hopefully if he was doing stuff with me, he left other kids alone.

I will leave up my original reply for others to see, if you're okay with that, just so they can see I've been on the receiving end and so don't put their feet in it.

Or I can just do a reply elsewhere if you'd prefer.

[vegetus.livejournal.com]

I really hope you didn't play they "you aren't a victim, how would you know" card (I'm suggesting this because of dalekboy's comments below).

Just because someone doesn't tell the wider community about being the victim of something doesn't mean they "don't understand", they are not actually a victim or that their views are null on the issue.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

No but they can still spout some messed up crap.

My discussion with you is over.

[vegetus.livejournal.com]

So views *from other victims of assault*, that aren't the same as yours are "crap".

I really think you need to have a think about that. You don't seem to like it when other victims of assault disagree with you, yet you'll happily insult them and their views.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think other people's views are crap, it was a bad word choice on my part.

Just because an opinion comes from a victim doesn't make their point of view free from being problematic. My own elder sister has said things that I virulently disagree with and she too is speaking as a victim. I still respect her and her opinion, but it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to say that it's messed up.

I shouldn't say it's crap though, but that's my sheer frustration and desperation in a messy situation talking, which is wrong of me.

Anyway, I've spoken to Danny about my behaviour here, apologised, and it's sorted out, so you can put down the torpedoes.

[dalekboy.livejournal.com]

It's all emotive stuff on both sides - everyone is right, everyone is wrong.

At the end of the day, we're okay with each other and that's all that matters. *big hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*hug hug*