The Worst Thing You've Ever Done

[dalekboy]

This piece is not about any one person specifically, it's about the way people are demonised in general.

I want you to think about the worst thing you've ever done. Something, no matter how long ago you did it, that you're still ashamed of. Don't shy away from it, think hard about the nastiest, shittiest, lowest thing you've ever done to someone.

Now, I want you to imagine people in general, and the internet as a vague group, deciding that's the person you really are.

Think about how they would react, how they would treat you, attack you, the things they would write about you - for a single act. It doesn't matter if it was a mistake, deliberate, or if there were extenuating circumstances - they don't care. There's little to no forgiveness out there, almost every time folks talk about you, it will be in relation to whatever it was you did.

How would that make you feel, as the weeks became months and years, and people still brought it up? How would you feel about the fact that no matter what else you did, there would always be someone there ready to bring up that single bad decision and start the whole thing up again? That every other positive act in your entire life would be deemed unimportant or irrelevant compared to this single event.

I'm not saying there should be universal forgiveness. Some people repeatedly do horrid things to others. I'm not saying there shouldn't be a price to pay for a single error, sometimes we have to make amends. But if the only issue you can find with a person is one really bad thing they've done, then doesn't that suggest there may be more to them than that one act?

Remember this the next time the crowd starts baying for someone's blood over a single mistake, especially if you're part of that crowd. Other people are as complex and have as many layers as you do.

You, and I, are not just the worst thing we ever did.

And neither is anyone else.

Comments

I know I know I know.....

[kowren.livejournal.com]

NOT ABOUT A CERTAIN EVENT

Just wanted to let you know that you have made me pause for thought. Good post. Well said. Poor timing perhaps but why put your life on hold for stuff that this isn't even about.

Thankyou for making me think.

Re: I know I know I know.....

[firvulag.livejournal.com]

Regardless of the timing, it will always be poor. People don't like to hear that they should examine their own lives before calling down judgement on others.

People like to think they're better than others, usually because they are afraid that they aren't.

I completely agree with Danny's post as it was intended and as he has described it. I don't think it is about a specific event for him either.

If I've learnt one thing since I kicked over some rocks and probably started this whole thing going (though I'll be happier if I didn't...) is that people love to read other things into what you write. They love to take things the wrong way, and damn you for all eternity if you put just one word wrong.

I have done things that I'm not happy with. I have done things that I don't want the wider community to know about. I only regret a few actions I've taken though, and they are the ones that are the worst things I've done.

Re: I know I know I know.....

[sjl.livejournal.com]

They love to take things the wrong way, and damn you for all eternity if you put just one word wrong.

My opinion here is that you're being a little bit harsh. With an online medium, there isn't (generally speaking) the immediacy of communication. You don't have the flow back and forth of ideas and thoughts; it's more stilted, more delays. There's also the lack of non-verbal cues - the tone of voice; the body language; the facial expression. All of these add an immense amount of information that too many people simply don't appreciate.

So people read something, and the tendency is to read into it what is already there in one's mind. I'm guilty of the same thing: I greeted a friend on MSN with "*doffs hat*"; she responded with a quote from the Two Ronnies. The line following that quote in the sketch was "Get lost" - and I was in a state of mind where I couldn't simply shrug off the possibility that she intended it in that particular way. She didn't, of course; it was just an off-the-cuff quote that was triggered by my greeting. We fill in the missing information in ways that are wildly off the mark, because we expect (at a low level) the information to be there ... and that leads to the misinterpretations and misunderstandings.

So I don't think it's that people love to take things the wrong way, as it is that there are nuances missing from a text-based medium (and even from an audio-only medium, such as the 'phone), leading to unintentional misinterpretations. The end result is as if people love to take things the wrong way, yes ... but I doubt that the majority of people deliberately set out to do so.

And of course, things that make us uncomfortable, like this post, automatically put us in a frame of mind where we're more likely to read nuances that aren't there, because we're uncomfortable, so our minds expect them ...

I'm rambling a bit, and there are probably some things I've overlooked in this stream of consciousness ... just thoughts to ponder (as if there aren't already enough in this post!) None of this is meant as a personal attack, just thoughts that have been bubbling around for a little while.

Re: I know I know I know.....

[bunny-m.livejournal.com]

The end result is as if people love to take things the wrong way, yes ... but I doubt that the majority of people deliberately set out to do so.

Quoted for truth.

Also: I'm slightly jealous that you have friends taht quote TTR at you. ^_^

Re: I know I know I know.....

[sjl.livejournal.com]

One friend in particular - we're both mad Britcom fans. She's suggested a couple that I hadn't considered, and vice-versa ... one of these days, I'll head up to Brisbane (or she'll head down to Melbourne) and we'll have a marathon ... between the two of us, we have a very large segment of the collected output of the BBC and ITV over the past forty or fifty years. More than a little bit of duplication, too, but that's all good.

I think I'll watch a bit more before I go to bed. Just the one ...