Dalekboy

No, not that sort of help, you bastards! I'm stuck. Genuinely stuck.

You see, just after Lex was born, we looked at his birth certificate and Sharon asked, "What are you going to put down for yourself as 'Occupation?'"

Without pause, and in a tone of voice that implied that it was a weird question, I replied, "Drover."

Then realised what I'd said. I haven't been a drover for over 15 years, but it's still so tied up in my identity that it's who I feel I am. So then I started thinking about it.

What is my occupation?

Strictly speaking I run a small business, but that's not who I am except from the perspective of wanting other people to be able to get this stuff too. It's what I do to stay sane given I've yet to defeat my inability to write fiction since the stroke.

I can fit into a box, but there'll be a lot of me sticking out the cracks and over-flowing the top.

One of my running gags has been that I should just put down Work of Art, because my life is my canvas and I just keep playing with it. You know, Bastard in the phone book, Danger as a middle name, always playing to the crowd, even when they aren't there...

Some may say 'This is Lex's Birth Certificate, he won't thank you for putting something silly on there,' and they may be right. But you know, every time I look at my birth certificate and see under occupation for my dad 'Slaughterman/Drover' it brings a palpable sense of who my father really was back to me.

And I'd kind of like Lex to have the same thing...

And let's face it, if he has my sensibilities, there's not much I could put down that would bother him.

So I've done a poll. I may not go with what people say, but it may help me figure out what I'm going to put down... So vote away! ( Poll below cut... )

Things we have learned in the last two weeks that new parents may find useful. This is what works for us and Lex, some of it may not work for you, but if it gives you one handy hint that you can adapt to make your life easier, it's worth it.

Feel free to write in with other suggestions, or to say, "Arrgh, no, you're doing that wrong!" ( Read more... )

It seems that people are worried about CERN's Hardon Collider possibly creating a black hole and destroying the entire planet. Is this possible? I don't know. But I do know that when the Americans first tested the atomic bomb, they thought there was a tiny chance that it could ignite the atmosphere and destroy the planet. They still went ahead and tested the bugger.

I could write a lot here, but I've already melted my brain once this week, so I'll keep it short.

In the absense of my ability to change the mind of the French government, I propose we all have lots and lots of wild monkey sex in case they do destroy the world.

Going out with a bang, as it were.

But people, let's make it safe sex, just in case they don't. No point being stupid about it, after all..

This post has ended up as a kind of an informal sequel to this 100 Days post. No need to read it, just mentioning it for those who are interested.
-----------------------------------------------------------

While I was in Melbourne, a comment from a friend of mine woke me to a whole attitude towards nudity and sex that I wasn't consciously aware I carried. The young lady in question is one of those folks that fits into two smallish camps - people I'd like to have sex with, and people who I'd like to photograph naked.

Now the two don't necessarily go together. And before I go into the personal revelation, I want to have a go at explaining the difference. ( One of those long, rambly, introspective posts. Possibly NSFW, hard to say... )

Some people seem to think that the only reason someone would want to encourage new people into fandom is because it will create bigger conventions, be good for fandom, etc. These things may happen, but they are only side effects of welcoming in more people. I could do a big diatribe on growth versus stagnation. I could talk about how it's really easy to say we have enough people coming to cons when you're one of the folks who already attend and you know you're welcome, but it's not relevant to why I want to see more newbies in fandom.

I want to see more new fans for their sake, not ours.

Maybe it's because I've been doing 'so it's your first con' panels for over a decade, but I've seen a hell of a lot of people at those panels who turned up knowing no-one, not a single person at the con. Some of them stick around, but many do not, and not all of those that leave can be fobbed off with the oh-so-easy 'it just wasn't for them' comment.

The whole 'most people are drawn into fandom with their friends' argument is a really easy one to make when you're surrounded by your mates, or that is indeed how you found fandom. I've talked to people who spent an hour or more outside a club or convention, absolutely terrified about going in because this was it! This was where they finally hoped to fit in, be welcomed, find people like themselves. They stayed outside because they were scared that they'd find that they wouldn't even fit in here, and if they didn't fit in here, that's it, they really were the loser, freak, and weirdo that their family and the people at school or work thought they were.

I had a cold start, knowing nobody, and it was absolutely terrifying. I spent a fair while outside Space Age Books before going in. And my very first experience of another fan was the gruff guy at the front counter being, well, gruff with me. Not unfriendly, not nasty, but my self esteme was low, and I was shy and nervous enough that I nearly left then and there. I already felt like an outsider who was at best to be tolerated. It was touch and go, and rather than walk up the stairs at the back of the shop to go to the Melbourne Science Fiction Club, I nearly ran out the front door.

If I had I would have missed out on a range of friends and experiences. Would never have done song-vids, run conventions, written fiction, gotten into 3D animation, had the friends and lovers that have enriched my life. I wouldn't have met Sharon.

So why wouldn't I, in all good conscience, want to give other people the same chances I've had?

How many people have been lost from clubs and cons over the years? Where their first experience was their last? It's not just people we lose when this happens. I want to see more new fans for our sake as well.

Every person who never attends or returns represents the loss of potential friends, lovers, con-runners, writers, editors, artists, directors... For all the good or bad they may have done our lives, the community, or the genre, they may as well have never existed.

There will always be people who are lost to us. Some people are too sensitive or scared, some bad experiences are unavoidable, and we can't be held accountable for every lost fan. I don't talk to every new person at a con, and I sure as hell don't expect others to. But the less we do to encourage these people, to try to find ways to make things that little bit more welcoming for them, and the more we sit on our collective arses saying, "they'll find us when they're ready," or "someone would bring them in anyway," the poorer our community becomes.

If you don't believe that, then think on this - If I had chosen the door instead of the stairs...

No Mitch, and no Mitch? collections.

No Pancakes at Carillion.

No Continuum conventions.

Grokked from rwrylsin, but lots of folks are doing it. I'll put up some real content once I've recovered from Christmas and being social...

( Under a cut for people who are sick of it... )

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. - Kung Fu-tzu Confucius

( Long post talking about my recent crush... )

Comments Screened but I may quote relevant questions/comments if there are any.

EDIT - made a minor change to avoid wrong conclusions by those who thought my mention of Shasta meant she was the crush. She's not, even though she is adorable :)

Nick Stathopoulos rang today for a chat. Amongst other things, he mentioned the photographic gallery just up the road from where he lives, and that he thinks my work would be entirely suitable for an exhibition there...

*blink*
*blink*
*blink*

Nick said he'll go up and ask to see what would be required, because he likes my photography and really wants to see an exhibition of it.

I know it may not happen for all sorts of reasons, but still... Nick likes my work that much?

*blown away*

I've had a very bad headache since mid-afternoon yesterday. Not a migraine, but bad enough that it makes me wonder if it's about to turn into one. I've taken the usual precautions. Today it has faded somewhat, but not completely, and its constant presence has rendered my skin tender to the touch. I'm not worried about it turning into a migraine now, but I am aware that my next migraine may have consequences. It may not. But given the screaming match I had with someone six months ago left me with a small but noticeable and permanent loss of sensation down the right hand side of my body, and I never even had a headache, I know I need to be wary.

But wary doesn't mean not living life, being afraid to act, it means taking the risks that are worth taking, worth the potential cost. To do less is to live a half life. In the same situation, with the knowledge I have now, I would have the same screaming match again because it needed to happen.

Been ages since I've had a headache this bad, and it's one of the little reminders of why I did my birthday trip, of why it's so important to tell people they're important to me. Because you never know when things will go pear-shaped and doing these things may no longer be an option.( So, what's stopping *you*? )

In Melbourne, Tiki was my brain. She could see how broken and non-functional I was and realised that someone else needed to be making decisions for me. ( Read more about Tiki's bossy nature, and other controlling people! *ducks, runs* )

Pancakes is organised, that's my major feat. I rang and tried to explain things to the guy who was trying to work with an inflexible system and an inflexible mind. It drained me but it's done. But my original plans for catching up with lots of people away from pancakes - out the window, just like in Melbourne. Bugger!

Will take the chance with a few people to drag them off to a more private table for a quick five minute chat while at pancakes. There's a few I'd like brief D&M's with, and one where I need to at least get a conversation started about swearing that we can continue at Swancon next year.( Lots of blather below cut... You know what I'm like... )

As birthdays go, even with all the tears, emotional pain, physical exhaustion - it's one of the best and most rewarding I've ever had. I've been shown a lot of love, care, support and tenderness by my friends, and for the first time in my life, I actually feel like I may deserve some of it. I don't feel worthy of the sheer amount of kindness I've been shown, but I do at least feel like, hey, maybe I am worth some small amount of trouble afterall.

Thank you everyone.