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Ok, so had a fair weekend. Drove to Sydney for Lewis' 50th birthday. Left at about 8am, the drive was good, about four hours, though I only just got through my two hour shift. Lewis was quite surprised to see us there and we had a good yak.
Lewis and Marilyn came back to Nick and Adrian's and we all chatted for a while, and geeked out about the Zero X from Thunderbirds. Nick, Adrian, Sharon and myself all crashed out pretty quickly after the birthday boy had left.
The next day we went for a walk and Nick showed me the gallery he wants me to do an exhibition of my photography at. I had in my mind some little dinky local gallery... this is not what I had in mind. It's kind of big. And impressive. Not the sort of place a working class, barefooted drover expects to have his happy snaps shown to the world.
Not intimidated at alllll...
( A few other bits and bobs, mainly cut for length and the sanity of those that get sick of reading about when I'm not doing well... )
Lewis and Marilyn came back to Nick and Adrian's and we all chatted for a while, and geeked out about the Zero X from Thunderbirds. Nick, Adrian, Sharon and myself all crashed out pretty quickly after the birthday boy had left.
The next day we went for a walk and Nick showed me the gallery he wants me to do an exhibition of my photography at. I had in my mind some little dinky local gallery... this is not what I had in mind. It's kind of big. And impressive. Not the sort of place a working class, barefooted drover expects to have his happy snaps shown to the world.
Not intimidated at alllll...
( A few other bits and bobs, mainly cut for length and the sanity of those that get sick of reading about when I'm not doing well... )
Was just talking vibrators with a friend, and became curious to see if 'my' vibrator, the one that is a good analogue for my willy, is still on the market.
And it is! Yay!
Okay, one online shop has it marked down, but it's still out there. I used to be mortified at the idea of my faux penis being bought and sold - these days I'm kind of pleased.
It's nice to be wanted, even in a small way *grin*
And it is! Yay!
Okay, one online shop has it marked down, but it's still out there. I used to be mortified at the idea of my faux penis being bought and sold - these days I'm kind of pleased.
It's nice to be wanted, even in a small way *grin*
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Yes, it's been a while, sorry about that. Two major contributing factors - one is that I foolishly left a lot of difficult subjects for the final 30. Not all of them are, but many require a fair bit of work. That wouldn't be so bad, but the other reason is that with recent events I simply don't always have the mental energy required to open myself up in this way and write about my thoughts and feelings. But be patient and I'll get there. One of the strengths of 100 Days is the required balance of talking about something I hate and something I love. Anyone can bitch and moan day after day, that's easy - counting your loves is far more rewarding and enjoyable for others to read, but much, much harder to write.
Nudity
( Long post, but I don't think there's anything particularly NSFW or TMI about it. )
Comfort Zones
( Read more... )
All comments screened, unless they have a 'yes' at the end.
Nudity
( Long post, but I don't think there's anything particularly NSFW or TMI about it. )
Comfort Zones
( Read more... )
All comments screened, unless they have a 'yes' at the end.
Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. - Kung Fu-tzu Confucius
( Long post talking about my recent crush... )
Comments Screened but I may quote relevant questions/comments if there are any.
EDIT - made a minor change to avoid wrong conclusions by those who thought my mention of Shasta meant she was the crush. She's not, even though she is adorable :)
( Long post talking about my recent crush... )
Comments Screened but I may quote relevant questions/comments if there are any.
EDIT - made a minor change to avoid wrong conclusions by those who thought my mention of Shasta meant she was the crush. She's not, even though she is adorable :)
The Entertainment Store has offered me a gig as Father Christmas at Harvey Norman. Three hours a day, five weekends a week from the 24th of November. Warned them that depending on how physically hard I found it, I may have to bow out of some shifts, and they are happy to arrange someone to cover for me if that happens. It seems I'm counted as one of their best and they really want to keep me in the game *happy grin*
Interestingly, while I have had other problems appear that are a worry, the last week or so my balance has improved dramatically, which if it continues will make life much easier for the gig.
Interestingly, while I have had other problems appear that are a worry, the last week or so my balance has improved dramatically, which if it continues will make life much easier for the gig.
Nick Stathopoulos rang today for a chat. Amongst other things, he mentioned the photographic gallery just up the road from where he lives, and that he thinks my work would be entirely suitable for an exhibition there...
*blink*
*blink*
*blink*
Nick said he'll go up and ask to see what would be required, because he likes my photography and really wants to see an exhibition of it.
I know it may not happen for all sorts of reasons, but still... Nick likes my work that much?
*blown away*
*blink*
*blink*
*blink*
Nick said he'll go up and ask to see what would be required, because he likes my photography and really wants to see an exhibition of it.
I know it may not happen for all sorts of reasons, but still... Nick likes my work that much?
*blown away*
You know how I've mentioned I fall in love easily? Well meet my most recent, Ronni Ancona.
YouTube link to her appearance on Q.I.
With this one piece in Q.I. I was besotted. And she only drew me in further through the rest of the episode.
Give me a woman with a beautiful, interesting, creative, and above all funny mind, and it goes straight to my heart and occasionally, loins... *happy sigh*
YouTube link to her appearance on Q.I.
With this one piece in Q.I. I was besotted. And she only drew me in further through the rest of the episode.
Give me a woman with a beautiful, interesting, creative, and above all funny mind, and it goes straight to my heart and occasionally, loins... *happy sigh*
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Just after the penis post in 100 Days, I was put onto a series of posts by a young woman regarding her genitalia issues. Completely different to mine of course, we have different bits for a start! But raw, honest, powerful, and all the sorts of things people say about my posts. I didn't get around to commenting at the time, I wasn't reading much in general because of my concentration, and so after going through a chunk over a few days, life got in the way and I forgot to go back to it again.( Read more... )
I've had a very bad headache since mid-afternoon yesterday. Not a migraine, but bad enough that it makes me wonder if it's about to turn into one. I've taken the usual precautions. Today it has faded somewhat, but not completely, and its constant presence has rendered my skin tender to the touch. I'm not worried about it turning into a migraine now, but I am aware that my next migraine may have consequences. It may not. But given the screaming match I had with someone six months ago left me with a small but noticeable and permanent loss of sensation down the right hand side of my body, and I never even had a headache, I know I need to be wary.
But wary doesn't mean not living life, being afraid to act, it means taking the risks that are worth taking, worth the potential cost. To do less is to live a half life. In the same situation, with the knowledge I have now, I would have the same screaming match again because it needed to happen.
Been ages since I've had a headache this bad, and it's one of the little reminders of why I did my birthday trip, of why it's so important to tell people they're important to me. Because you never know when things will go pear-shaped and doing these things may no longer be an option.
( So, what's stopping *you*? )
But wary doesn't mean not living life, being afraid to act, it means taking the risks that are worth taking, worth the potential cost. To do less is to live a half life. In the same situation, with the knowledge I have now, I would have the same screaming match again because it needed to happen.
Been ages since I've had a headache this bad, and it's one of the little reminders of why I did my birthday trip, of why it's so important to tell people they're important to me. Because you never know when things will go pear-shaped and doing these things may no longer be an option.
( So, what's stopping *you*? )Tags:
( Some angsty stuff under the cut. No need to read it, the important part of this post can be read below... )
Tonight, I'm happy. Really, truly happy for the first time in a month. I've been content, felt safe, been loved and cared for since the breakdown, and I've felt fleeting moments of happiness, but nothing like the high level of joy that I normally take from life.
Until tonight, I'd forgotten just how good I usually feel. But I've been reminded once more. The first kick off was Kali's comment to a recent post - part of it was just that little bit of cobtact, part was what she said. She made me smile.
Then there's been Sharon putting in a lot of time and effort trying to give me love and affection. Just that fact that she's trying so hard means a lot. She made me feel worthy of the effort she put in.
Most was the masquerade. I spent time talking to people I really like and appreciate knowing, chatted to people I've been meaning to talk to for years, and just enjoying watching a couple of folks dance up a storm. There are some people I could watch moving and dancing for hours, I find their joy infectious, and the two who head the pack both have the initials RH.
Lastly was chatting in the bar with Liz and Rachel. One I'd met only that evening, the other I've known for a while. There was some good conversation there, enough to leave me glowing and happy. I don't believe I connected particularly deeply with these folks or anything, but I got a good dose of my old joy at interacting with people who are well worth talking to. They made it easy to want to say up all night.
It's nice to feel this good again, and I just wanted to share it.
Tonight, I'm happy. Really, truly happy for the first time in a month. I've been content, felt safe, been loved and cared for since the breakdown, and I've felt fleeting moments of happiness, but nothing like the high level of joy that I normally take from life.
Until tonight, I'd forgotten just how good I usually feel. But I've been reminded once more. The first kick off was Kali's comment to a recent post - part of it was just that little bit of cobtact, part was what she said. She made me smile.
Then there's been Sharon putting in a lot of time and effort trying to give me love and affection. Just that fact that she's trying so hard means a lot. She made me feel worthy of the effort she put in.
Most was the masquerade. I spent time talking to people I really like and appreciate knowing, chatted to people I've been meaning to talk to for years, and just enjoying watching a couple of folks dance up a storm. There are some people I could watch moving and dancing for hours, I find their joy infectious, and the two who head the pack both have the initials RH.
Lastly was chatting in the bar with Liz and Rachel. One I'd met only that evening, the other I've known for a while. There was some good conversation there, enough to leave me glowing and happy. I don't believe I connected particularly deeply with these folks or anything, but I got a good dose of my old joy at interacting with people who are well worth talking to. They made it easy to want to say up all night.
It's nice to feel this good again, and I just wanted to share it.
Which makes sense. I broke in Melbourne, again in Perth, and now when I've gotten home.
Sharon is lovely, as you'd expect, but we've hit the problem I was bracing myself for - Sharon's not a natural when it come to physical affection. She understands the theory well enough - she loves to be held, touched, and stroked herself - but doesn't understand or feel the flow and rhythm behind the touch, the way love and affection can be given, transferred, and shared by it, and so she can often only mechanically copy the moves. Which is something I find almost physically painful to be on the receiving end of.
It has none of the delicate subtleties that flow through even the most platonic shared physicalities. And she's trying so hard, but we're both aware that after nine years of marriage she still hasn't been able to pick up how to give affection through touch, so it's likely to be an awkward time for both of us.
On the plus side, she's strong and capable, so at least one of us has a working brain. And we love each other deeply, so that helps bridge the other gaps.
Sharon is lovely, as you'd expect, but we've hit the problem I was bracing myself for - Sharon's not a natural when it come to physical affection. She understands the theory well enough - she loves to be held, touched, and stroked herself - but doesn't understand or feel the flow and rhythm behind the touch, the way love and affection can be given, transferred, and shared by it, and so she can often only mechanically copy the moves. Which is something I find almost physically painful to be on the receiving end of.
It has none of the delicate subtleties that flow through even the most platonic shared physicalities. And she's trying so hard, but we're both aware that after nine years of marriage she still hasn't been able to pick up how to give affection through touch, so it's likely to be an awkward time for both of us.
On the plus side, she's strong and capable, so at least one of us has a working brain. And we love each other deeply, so that helps bridge the other gaps.
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Was it always so hard to read by firelight?
That's what I'm thinking as I sit here and start this piece, one that may take me several days to write, or I may get done in a day or two. Unless I'm really game, and my old laptop's battery holds out, it's unlikely I'll get it done tonight. ( And I didn't, but I did get this one done - Warning Long... EDIT - Comments Screened )
That's what I'm thinking as I sit here and start this piece, one that may take me several days to write, or I may get done in a day or two. Unless I'm really game, and my old laptop's battery holds out, it's unlikely I'll get it done tonight. ( And I didn't, but I did get this one done - Warning Long... EDIT - Comments Screened )
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Stayed at the nice little camping spot 30km out of Norseman last night. Might head back there for tonight when I finish here. It's a nice area, lots of birds, tracks of several different sorts of animals, no mozzies even though there's a few stagnant pools of water - nice.
Getting annoyed with... well either Telstra or Three, not sure which. I'm meant to automatically switch to Telstra roaming when outside Three's network, and it doesn't seem to be happening. Very annoying. How am I meant to send people Cock from Eucla?
Seem to be holding up ok, not too broken. Emotional, and some bits of me aren't working, some work in fits and starts, but I'm mostly functional now I'm having to aim for destinations again...
Though having said that, I've just realised I need to eat.
And drink.
And go to the loo.
Bye.
Getting annoyed with... well either Telstra or Three, not sure which. I'm meant to automatically switch to Telstra roaming when outside Three's network, and it doesn't seem to be happening. Very annoying. How am I meant to send people Cock from Eucla?
Seem to be holding up ok, not too broken. Emotional, and some bits of me aren't working, some work in fits and starts, but I'm mostly functional now I'm having to aim for destinations again...
Though having said that, I've just realised I need to eat.
And drink.
And go to the loo.
Bye.
In Melbourne, Tiki was my brain. She could see how broken and non-functional I was and realised that someone else needed to be making decisions for me. ( Read more about Tiki's bossy nature, and other controlling people! *ducks, runs* )
Pancakes is organised, that's my major feat. I rang and tried to explain things to the guy who was trying to work with an inflexible system and an inflexible mind. It drained me but it's done. But my original plans for catching up with lots of people away from pancakes - out the window, just like in Melbourne. Bugger!
Will take the chance with a few people to drag them off to a more private table for a quick five minute chat while at pancakes. There's a few I'd like brief D&M's with, and one where I need to at least get a conversation started about swearing that we can continue at Swancon next year.( Lots of blather below cut... You know what I'm like... )
As birthdays go, even with all the tears, emotional pain, physical exhaustion - it's one of the best and most rewarding I've ever had. I've been shown a lot of love, care, support and tenderness by my friends, and for the first time in my life, I actually feel like I may deserve some of it. I don't feel worthy of the sheer amount of kindness I've been shown, but I do at least feel like, hey, maybe I am worth some small amount of trouble afterall.
Thank you everyone.
Pancakes is organised, that's my major feat. I rang and tried to explain things to the guy who was trying to work with an inflexible system and an inflexible mind. It drained me but it's done. But my original plans for catching up with lots of people away from pancakes - out the window, just like in Melbourne. Bugger!
Will take the chance with a few people to drag them off to a more private table for a quick five minute chat while at pancakes. There's a few I'd like brief D&M's with, and one where I need to at least get a conversation started about swearing that we can continue at Swancon next year.( Lots of blather below cut... You know what I'm like... )
As birthdays go, even with all the tears, emotional pain, physical exhaustion - it's one of the best and most rewarding I've ever had. I've been shown a lot of love, care, support and tenderness by my friends, and for the first time in my life, I actually feel like I may deserve some of it. I don't feel worthy of the sheer amount of kindness I've been shown, but I do at least feel like, hey, maybe I am worth some small amount of trouble afterall.
Thank you everyone.
.
