Dalekboy

So, I'm sitting at nevryn's place. I got in late last night. It's funny how much I love the guy. I was sleeping in the lounge and woke up at about 5:30, and couldn't get back to sleep, but was sensible and made myself stay there. Later I heard his alarm go off, he hit snooze and I waited. It went off again and he hit snooze again. He does this. And every time the alarm went off I got just a little bit more excited - Is he coming out yet? Am I going to see him? - if I'd had a tail it would've been wagging.

Then I put the pieces together - I'm laying on the floor of the loungeroom, all excited waiting for my first glimpse of the lad, ready to greet him all cheery-like - Yes, I'm his fucking dog!

He's off at work now. I've tried on his underwear, one of each of his socks, and now I'm doing the weird juggle between making sure I rest, and having so much to write about.( Read more... )

Okay, well, there has been much crying done since my last post. I probably cried for a good half-hour or more this morning, held for most of it by Beauty 1. The visit was an odd one. I noted only one brief flicker of very low arousal around her for most of last night, except towards the very end of the night when I was binary boy - I need hugs and cuddles / I need sex / hugs and cuddles / sex! Normally I respond a lot more to her, but it's a background thing, a pleasant buzz.

So it was odd anyway, plus my hormones have been virtually dead since I arrived, which I put down initially to tiredness, and then being broken. Which has been good because for various reasons both Kali and I have wanted to limit ourselves physically to little more than skin contact, hugs, and stroking. There have been flickers of arousal and passion there, on both sides, but nothing like my normal levels.

So Sharon rings up today, asks how I'm doing, casually asks when I broke down again. Thursday night/Friday morning effectively. Apparently she's been feeling a little off the last few days too. Okay. Then she mentions that the off-ness is very similar to when she was pregnant with Tracy - she had nothing to compare it to then, but now it feels very similar. It's too early for her to check accurately, but it would be funny it she was. And that's why she rang, because my emotions going bugfuck seemed to be a prime indicator from last time. My hormones died and my emotions went strange in less than 24 hours.

If she is, we can again date it exactly - Thursday morning. We ha sex, she left for work, that was the last I saw of her.

I just wanted an entry to mark the date, just in case she actually is up the duff.

It would be rather funny :)

Another post, like the Love and Hate, I've been wanting to get up for ages. This is a list of gifts I've been given in the last couple of years. It's incomplete, but like the Love and Hate I've posted today, relevant to the broken down state I've found myself in. I'm choosing not to name people in case they'd rather remain anonymous. Most of the gifts aren't physical items.( Read more... )

*The workman comes in and surveys the walls, then notices a little bit of paint flaking off. He gently removes it. There is a pause, a moment of silence, then the whole house comes crashing down around him. You can watch the domino effect as the damage grows, cascades... Eventually he's left standing there in the rubble, the original fleck of paint still grasped between his stubby fingers. He turns to the audience as the dust settles and says -

"You know, this might be a bigger job than I thought!"*

*cue laugh track*

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This trip was originally a personal celebration, a chance to see some of my friends and for me to have a birthday in Eucla. Then it became both that, and the chance to self- repair after all that has happened in recent times. I fully expected to start the serious repair effort on the Nullarbor, except I've reached Melbourne and the last 16 months have come crashing down on me in one go as soon as I've arrived. I'm finally getting a good look at the damage, which is why I haven't slept or dozed at all yet and it's now 5:30am.( Read more... )

So, today for the second time this year, I told someone in all seriousness that they needed to get away from the job they hate and cross the Nullarbor with me.

"I'm going next week, come with me!"

In both cases I figured the person would actually benefit from it. Away from home for about a week, out of contact for good chunks of it, seeing the size and scope of what's out there... Being reminded that there are different, more rewarding, and often more interesting ways to live. You don't have to want to do them, but knowing they exist changes your perspective. To have the freedom to think about what's going on in your life without all the niggling reminders, distractions and doubts that try to convince you that you really can't leave that job and/or life you hate.

Everyone one should do a long slow trip to somewhere in Australia. It opens your mind in interesting new directions if you let it. Though not everybody should do it with me. Some wouldn't cope with me, some I would kill before we got halfway across.

So now, because it's much in my mind (Three days! Eeep!) I present the "Do the Nullabor with Danny" ( poll! )

...it's not really just a car.

Arrived home at around 9:30pm with the delightful Mr. Oxwell in tow. Was in bed a little after 10, feeling exhausted.

Have been awake since 4:30...

Very much wanting cuddles at the mo'. Apart from my lovely wife, who is fast asleep, I can't help but think of the couple of other people I'd like to be held by right now.
Would like to melt into the arms of one of those deeply trusted individuals, laying curled in their embrace, weeping quietly with relaxation born of the relief at feeling loved and safe as they held me.

There are many people I trust, there are few I trust so completely that I'll stop desperately holding onto my own strength and control for a while, and willingly allow them to be strong for me.

I am both the same, and radically different to, the man I was sixteen months ago.

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While I really wish I was asleep, I am somewhat amused at hearing the sound of three other people snoring in the house ;-)

Over the worst of the cold/'flu'/whatever the hell it was. As a parting present, it gives you the runs! What a funny little virus! ( Small update, nothing important... )

May be driving now. Not sure.

Part of the reasoning behind flying was to shorten the time I was away from Sharon. But if I fly to Perth, then drive to Eucla and back, with all the other bits of the trip factored in I'd be away for around 22 days, give or take a couple. ( Rambling thoughts on trip, Tracy, etc. )

Ok, for the record, I've never wanted Danny Boy played at my funeral. Until now. Below is the YouTube link.

When I die I want this version of the song played at my funeral, preferably with the footage for the full effect.